Babies don't keep.

One year ago, tonight, I was lying the hospital trying to enjoy the free movies through contractions. Tomorrow morning my littlest will be one year old. It seems like this year went SOSOSOOSO fast. It feels like only a few days ago I was pregnant.

Today, while Addison slept, I played peekaboo and chase with Nora for a long while in the living room. She is so full of joy... and the giggles:) I adore her. I don't know where the time went this past year. She was just a tiny baby in my arms and now she is a little line-backer pushing her way to the front of the action. I studied her face her dark eyes and her chubby cheeks and I thought to myself how much longer do I have with her? How many more rockabye nights? How many more games of peekaboo? Not enough, I fear.

Every time I look at her, or anyone of my children I am reminded of how blessed I am. In the same moment my heart aches with the responsibility I have been trusted to. Last Sunday, Pastor reminded us of our responsibility as parents, as adults in society. He spoke from these verses.


And Jesus called a little child to Him,
set him in the midst of them, and said,
"Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and
become as little children, you will by no means
enter the kingdom of heaven.
Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child
is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
And whoever receives one little child
like this in My name receives Me.

But whoever causes one of these little ones
who believe in Me to sin,
it would be better for him
if a millstone were hung around his neck,
and he were drowned in the depth of the sea."
Matthew 18:2-6 New King James Version

Did ya catch that last part? Train up a child...what a responsibility? I have a lot of work to do.

I finally moved the crib out of our room. I am almost too embarrassed to write that, I never kept a crib in our room longer than the first few months with the older kids and with Addison and Nora we just waited too long. Dad is working nights this week so I thought I would put the girls in a room together and see what happens. Tonight is the first night. I put them both to bed, we prayed and I turned the light off. They gabbed a bit, it was so cute, and then silence. I hope the quiet means the night will go smoothly.

Listen to me mommies, they do grow up fast, too fast. Hold them tight while you can:)

I am thankful for all four of my beautiful little blessings, but tonight I am thinking about my little Lou Lou. Thank you, Lord, for Nora. Thank you for helping her grow (even if it seems like it is happening too fast)and for keeping her healthy and so adorably giggly and happy. Please bless her tonight in her 'new' room. Be with her and comfort her. She is an amazing and special blessing to our family. Help me teach her about Jesus so that she, too, can enjoy the gift of heaven. In your Holy Name, Amen.

The power of believing or You gotta have faith

Matt 17:20 The transfiguration

...I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

We began a new Bible study last night. New year, new study, new president....lots of new stuff. It is a Beth Moore study, Believing God. I am psyched about it. We listened to her on a cd last night I love her southern drawl. With any study you must keep yourself focused on the Word of God and measure everything up to it. I know some of my family are skeptics of evangelists. My personal thoughts are if someone can motivate you to study the Bible more and that book stops collecting dust, it's a move in the right direction.

It sounds pretty 'back to basics' Believing God, right? I think I could do the exact same study every year and learn something new. This study is mostly old testament with some paralleling to the new. It originates from a concept in Isaiah 43:10. Last night we were flipping pages so much my book was smoking (must have been the dust). Can't wait to shake all the cobwebs out and get down to the nitty gritty.

All weekend the verse I typed above has been swimming around in my head. Can my faith really move mountains? It reminds me of another verse in Philippians 4:13, 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength'. I know it was faith that got me through my fight with cancer. I know it is faith in the Lord that gave me the strength to make it through two pregnancies back to back. The Lord gives me strength to move mountains (of laundry) every day. Why is it so hard for us to believe it? Is it because we don't think miracles happen any more? Are we afraid to give God the credit for his Master Plan? I am not sure. Some days go by and I think I will never be able to make it to tomorrow. I should be so thankful to the Lord for his presence (and for the Holy Spirit who guides me in understanding) in my meager little life.

I have a friend whose husband is battling the big bully of lung cancer. I am going to write this 'faith can move mountains' verse in a card for him this week. I pray that he will believe the truth of it and his faith and God's love will help him get through the journey he is just beginning.

A few years ago I found a little plaque on clearance in the holiday section. It said, "Believe". I bought it because I wanted to hang it year round in my house to remind me that God is with me all the time and to remember how important my faith is. (If I could only find it in one of my closets.) With my faith and His love I can be the best mom,wife, sister, daughter and friend to others in my life. Thank you Lord for giving us your Word so that we can study it and believe in you. I pray that all who do not know you will find you and with faith, believe.

24 hours and counting

This morning at the breakfast table my daughter asked me if I was going to breastfeed. I tried not to choke on my cold cereal as I answered her. Her face twisted into a grimace when she heard my reply. "Well, I am not breastfeeding my babies!" she said with her typical 6 going on mommy tone.

We all can't stop thinking about it. I suppose it doesn't help that I am as big as an elephant, sort of hard to hide it, you know?

People who see me out and about say things like;

• You're STILL here?
• No baby, yet, huh?
• Are you ready?

I try to smile and answer but inside I am screaming. LET'S GET OVER WITH IT ALREADY!

I spent all day Saturday packing up toddler toys and cleaning out the 'toy room' for the babies. We put the crib up in there a while back and #3 is napping in there. Now, with the toys gone, it looks like a nursery. The bassinet is out again and the bedding is washed. The infant car seat has been cleaned, again, and is ready to safely harness another little miracle for us.

Dejavu aside...this time IS different. It feels different. I can't really explain it. Maybe I am finally feeling like enough is enough instead of questioning if we are done building our family. I have never been really good at anything except maybe singing a solo in church. Making babies is something I can do. My body is able to handle these aches and pains for the miracle of life inside me. I complain about it, but I cam DO it. I feel extremely blessed. It makes it hard for me to turn it off when I know there are people out there who want so badly to have a child and for reasons only God could give us, can't.

Still, I am nervous. It is not an easy thing, labor. Fresh in my mind is the pain and the sweat and the first few moments of that baby's life when he/she takes a breath and cries. It is amazing, but emotionally draining. This will be the first time that the ob who has been with me for the birth of all my children will not at least check in on me. It will be someone new, who knows me only by the interesting name on my chart...who doesn't know about my history of bringing big babies into this world and my fear of epidural needles and my need to have my husband holding my hand the whole time and my desire to hold that baby immediately, no matter what.

We check in tomorrow morning around 9 am. I am certain the medicine for the induction will not begin until closer to noon. Twelve or so hours later we should have a bouncing baby. It is so close we can taste it. Get ready for a ride #4, we can't wait to meet you...

UPDATE 12:15 pm: Don't think we're taking it easy today. Dad is in the rafters putting insulation in. I have round steak strogonoff in the crockpot and breadsticks rising. I already cleaned out the freezer and am toasting the leftover bread to make crumbs and have apples thawing to make DeAnn's apple dessert! We had an easy bake tea party already this morning and a friend kindly took the kids for a bit so dad and I could get some 'work' done.

Defying death...

WOW!

This is miraculous.

Wonder how they will explain this to him when he is old enough to surf the net and find this article?

It's a...

happy, healthy, baby!

You didn't really think I would go and ruin the surprise, did ya?

The baby weighs about 12 oz and is almost 11 inches long already. We're right on track with measurements and looking at around Oct.10 for delivery, if I am induced as with my first two.

That big mass on the top of the ultrasound is the placenta. In every one of my pregnancies, my placenta has been anterior which makes for a bit of difficulty feeling any early movements.

Joy for me!

It would have been impossible...

Many of our friends and family kept telling us not to get pregnant in Hawaii.

Since #1 told the entire kindergarten class and most of our family knows I figured it was time to let Kris off the hook.

Happiness is a journey...

Life is full of lots of unexpected little surprises...and some pretty big ones, too.

I had my ultrasound done in February as the doctor requested. As usual, I was feeling rushed I needed to get back to town to pick up the kids from school and just wanted to get this over and done with. The scan required a full bladder and I was so uncomfortable on the long interstate ride in that I prayed for the urge to go away so that I could have a good scan. I failed and stopped at a gas station to pee before I even made it to the hospital. I felt awful. Good thing I drink a ton of water and my bladder was plenty full by the time of the scan.

#3 was with me because dad was working and she was sleeping, I secretly hoped she would stay that way for the 30 minute ordeal.

The technician called me in and she saw how uncomfortable I was so she did the outside scan first with that hot petroleum jelly. I was glad when it was over and I was able to pee again.

Then came the internal part, icky. Of course the baby started crying as soon as we got started and I told the tech to take her time and ignore the baby. She seemed flustered and at one point stopped the scan to put the pacifier in #3's mouth. It didn't help.

After she was finished I hurriedly got dressed and fed the baby a bottle. The tech came in and said she was getting a second opinion and could I wait. I called my dh and told him that something was going on. They usually just send me home and call me with the results. Then the tech came in one final time and told me that I needed to go to my doctors office. I tried to stay as calm as I could but my heart was racing and my throat was closing up. I called my dh and asked him to come with me. We talked in a whisper on the way to the doctor's office. What if? What if? We talked about options, a total hysterectomy to avoid chemo and radiation. We talked about regretting not having more babies when we were healthy. It was a long drive across town.

When we got the clinic we checked in and waited. Both of us ignoring the obvious and instead fussing over the baby. After we were called back into the room the nurse took my blood pressure (which was amazingly normal) and my temperature. Then we had to wait again for the doctor. Dh held the baby while I sat in the chair with my head in my hands. All of a sudden I had a tremendous headache. My temples were pounding and I felt like I was going to throw up.

When the doctor came in he immediately sat down on the little stool and said, "I don't know how to tell you this, but..."

My whole life flashed before my eyes. My babies, my husband, my mom...how could I put everyone through this again. Why was this happening? I felt light headed.

Then the words actually entered my ears..."you're pregnant"

I looked at my husband and a huge grin came across his face.

"Everything normal as far as we can see..." the doctors lips were still moving but I couldn't hear the words anymore.

Another baby. Quick calculations in my head came up with the same due date as #3 only one year later. YIKES! Things have not been exactly lovey dovey around here if you know what I mean. I am the poster child for "it only takes once". Call me Myrtle, I guess. Dh is batting "a thousand".

Finally, I spoke,"I guess I am fertile then..." The doctor laughed and said, "There is no question about that."

The PET scan could have posed a small risk, but because I was barely pregnant they are reassuring us that the risk is minute.

We are, of course, in complete shock but at the same time know that God has a plan for our life.

Miracles are happening all the time around here. We are getting quite used to them.

God is so good.

Amen.

p.s. flying is not fun when you are pregnant; can you say 'refuse bag'?

It's okay...my letter to the editor

One of my favorite pieces of children’s literature I actually first read when I was an adult. The Okay Book was written by Todd Parr and embraces all kinds of human differences. His words speak to children about acceptance of everyone even those people who have freckles or wear two different kinds of socks. The world is a diverse place but there is room for all of us, every one.

Diversity probably isn’t the first word that comes to mind when you think of our little village. But, I believe my town has a wonderful mosaic of people with a treasure chest of awesome talents.

Through my recent experience with the Horizons group I have come to realize that we have some amazing people who call this place home. I am not just talking about the successful, educated professionals, either. I know that our poverty level is only judged by our pocket books, because we are rich in quality of life.

This little corner of the universe can certainly count it’s blessings; there’s the store owner who spends more time at the store than she does at home, the mechanic who (if you ask him to) will pick up your car at your home to service it, the busy farmer who (on his way home from a 12 hour day) will stop long enough to scoop out your driveway, the beauty salon that cuts hair way past my bedtime, the cafe that doubles as a provider of hot meals to those of us who can’t get up or out to feed ourselves, and the list goes on and on. Our community not only supports an elementary school and a high school, but a preschool, child care center, swimming pool, city park and campground, two ball fields and a watering hole. How many other communities with a similar population can say the same?

The outpouring of kindness and generosity that my family experienced during my recent illness is hard to describe in words. Not a day goes by without an encouraging word from someone, not to mention the countless amounts of meals, care and financial support that came for us with perfect miraculous timing. This is an excellent example of the richness that is found in our community. Genuine care and compassion is just another normal day in the life here in my town.

It goes without saying that I have a tremendous amount of appreciation for every single unique person in this community. Collectively we form a beautiful, special life for each other. I joyfully celebrate the love that my neighbor has for me. I make every effort to teach my children that same unconditional love, which isn’t too difficult because all they have to do is call this town home.

I failed cheerleading tryouts in the 7^th grade, but that can’t stop me from shouting from the top of my roof. “I LOVE MY TOWN!”. You may even see me do a cartwheel or a somersault. (I would if I could) This is the best little village in the whole wide world. All our unique talents and character traits make up one enormous and wonderfully magnificent collage. It wouldn’t be the same without your piece. Kindness is beautiful, isn’t it?

that's what happens when Satan leaves you...

That's what Pastor said as he was drying #3's head off from the water she was baptized with. She had this great big grin on her face while he was pouring the water on her head. It was a joyful day for all of us. Welcome to God's family baby girl!

She wore the same outfit #1 wore as well as my niece and my Godmother's daughters. We feel blessed to have been able to share it as it is now almost 35 years old and considered an antique. The bonnet is especially beautiful. I wish I had a photo to share.

My birthday wish...

Pastor's sermon today was about knowing God's unconditional love for us. Pastor was saying that he thinks most of us forget about God's love for us. We tend to put God in a tiny corner of our lives, maybe the Sunday worship corner, and forget about Him the rest of the week. If we could only remember God's love for us everyday, we could be a lot happier and spread the word of His love more often with others.

I know God's love.

He loves me enough to create me.
He loves me enough to give me a wonderful loving family to grow up with.
He loves me enough to find me a husband who loves me enough.
He loves me enough to give me two wonderful children.
He loves me enough to let me live through cancer.
He loves me enough to give me one more miracle baby.
He loves me enough to forgive ALL of my sins.
He loves me enough to keep on loving me even when I forget about Him for a day or two.
He loves me enough to make me keep wanting to spread His love more and more.

I wish that you will know that God loves you, too, unconditionally. It is hard to believe it.
But it is true.

my calm in the storm

a tiny hand wrapped around my little finger
the softest skin in I've ever felt
that tiny click she makes when she is swallowing
the smell of the small of her neck
the warmth of her next to me
a smile from her perfect lips
her determination to hold her head up and look at the world around her
kisses on her head from her older siblings
watching daddy hold and rockabye her
realizing what a blessing she is to our family
our little piece of peace

Happy Reformation Day... the reformation of our household fits right in...

Daddy and #3 the first night at home.

#3 wrapped up with her bili light to get rid of jaundice

Proud big brother and sister at the hospital seeing little sis for the first time!
It was a long night and an even longer morning, but she's finally here!
Almost one week into being a mommy of three and my world is completed REFORMED!

The story of #3.

I noticed that something was different. I thought perhaps I could be just wetting my pants, I called my sister (baby expert and mother of 4)and she agreed it was probably nothing. A few days later the amount of the wetting picked up and I finally called the doctor who said, pack your bags and come on in. Well, I didn't pack a bag, I was still in denial. It was a whole three weeks before my actual due date of Nov. 13 and the doctor had already said with my history of stubborn babies we could induced on the 6th.

I spent a half an hour on the phone trying to find places for #1 and #2. Finally, I was on the road. I called my hubby at the hospital (work) to let him know I was being admitted. I told him to stay put until I heard from the Dr. I was still pretty sure it was a false alarm.

After being admitted, several nurses checked me and took samples and confirmed I was leaking fluid. When they asked me for how long, I stammered, a week or so? The horror in their eyes showed me that I had said the wrong thing and that I was not going to receive the pregnant lady of the year award for my waiting to long to call... My doctor came in after she was through with surgery on another patient and told me that we were done and baby would be born tonight or tomorrow. She was not on call, which made me sad. I had her deliver my #1 and #2 and was hoping we could start a family tradition. But, the doctor on call delivered all four of my sisters and I was content with that. So, it was time to induce. I had no slippers, no soft robe or pillow. Just me and my t-shirt and sweats. My dh got off early to hurry up and wait with me. He had no contact solution, no change of clothes and he looked anxious.

I have this difficult uterus. It is hard to explain, so I just say it is upside down and backwards...most nurses cannot even check my cervix until I am dilated past a 2 or a 3. So, we went through the awkward phase of nurse after nurse trying to check me , which was not all that pleasant as you can certainly imagine. I think I needed an epidural just for that. We chose to take an oral medication to begin the induction. I swallowed the aspirin like pill and tried to relax. At about 8 pm my water gushed all over the floor. My husband was amazed at the amount of fluid. I won't soon forget the look on his face as he looked at the puddle on the delivery room floor. I got cleaned up and because it was my third baby they told me I could have the epidural whenever I wanted. Because I had only progressed from a 1 to a 1+ (my poor body was aching already) I decided to wait it off until I started feeling the contractions more. I had not progressed any further, but was breathing through the pain when we put the call out to the anesthesiologist. It was near midnight when he came. The "new" way to consent for the epidural is to watch a video. It used to be that the nurse would read you a list of side effects and you would sign away. Now, they have this adorable little doctor man telling you about the procedure AS THEY ARE SHOWING IT BEING DONE! It was shocking, I have had epidurals before, but have never seen the needle. YIKES. For some insane reason I went ahead with it.

The epidural took nicely to the left half of my body from my ribcage to my ankles. The right half, however, did not take. I think I felt like a stroke victim must. At about my belly button, I could feel the line of numbness. It was the weirdest thing I have ever experienced. My left leg was heavy and numb and when I touched it, it felt like marshmallow. My right leg was normal. So, the Dr. gave me a bit of a boost of more medicine which got me through the next hour or so. After that I pretty much felt every bit of pain except you could have taken a chain saw to my left ankle and I wouldn't have noticed (yep, I had time to check out the recent episode of Grey's).

It was close to 6 am now. They checked me again. I was progressing. I was at a 4 or a 5. Since every nurse is different they all say things like, "I have chubby fingers, or I have small hands, but I think she is a __" My husband rolls his eyes... the nurse predicts a baby by 10 am.

So, I said to dh. "Why don't you go and get something to eat and then come back." "No way!" He says. Apparently, last time, I went from a 5 to a nine in a few minutes and he didn't want to miss the show.

At about 630 I felt like I needed to use the restroom. This was the cue for baby to come. Apparently, I say that each time, too. It's amazing what I forget!

So, Dr. came in. I got positioned and push, push, push. The nurse on my left was a newbie. This was her fourth week on ob and she was a go- getter. She was screaming, you can do it's into my ear so loud I wanted to muzzle her. You can only take so much coaching, you know?

By this time the medication was only affecting my right leg, from my knee down. Yippee. I felt every bit of baby. It was pain but not like any other. I knew that it would be over if I could only give all my strength and push. Dr.'s eyebrows burrowed a bit. "I don't like that cord position..." she mumbled. This time, I was aware of everything. This was new to me. I saw the look of worry on the Dr.'s face. I witnessed the team of nurses anticipating the baby's birth in the corner of the room. The table was ready with all the equipment a baby might need. My husband was on my right holding the heavy leg. Same spot he was in for #1 and #2. He was anxious, but his face gave away nothing. He smiled at me and said, "one more, honey, I know you can do it."

I took a deep breath and pushed. I felt the baby slip into the hands of the doctor and the nurse. They brought her up and I saw it was a girl. I said it out loud. They quickly and effortlessly cut the cord and whisked her away to the table. It was quiet. Really quiet. I began to cry. "She's not crying" I said. I repeated it over and over. They were massaging her chest and talking about heart tones over at the 'table' in the corner. My husband left my side, only after telling me everything was going to be all right. He went to the 'table'. Everyone was blocking my view of the baby. Things started flashing through my head. Was this the plan? Is this how it is supposed to be? I was scared, and felt completely helpless. It felt like hours. Then, a cry. Thank you, Lord Jesus! I heard her cry and all at once I felt no pain. I felt nothing but thank fullness for life and for miracles and for blessings and for love. It was exhausting, but worth it.

Then, I felt the Dr. sewing me up. It was over. Just like that. Baby had to go upstairs for some blood work. I got a quick kiss and photo and off she went. It is so hard to do that. I know it is necessary, but so hard to watch them wheel her off.

It was shortly after 7am. I was not pregnant anymore. I graduated into the mommy of three club. It was a bit overwhelming. We had no name. At about midnight we decided upon the boy name and we felt fairly confident that it was a boy. We should never rely on instinct alone. I think the Lord enjoys reminding me who is in control :)

My mother, on her way to work, stopped by to give me a headband for labor. She waltzed into the delivery room near 730 and says, "here is a headband for you while you are pushing...is baby here already?!?!" Dh took her upstairs to the nursery.

Then the phone calls begin and my life is turned upside down and backwards, kind of like my insides.

There is nothing like being a mother. I feel blessed to be able to experience it. It is a special gift that should not be taken for granted. We have had so many beautiful moments as a family this past week. Many that have moved me to tears. I started thinking, oh, I should blog about that. But, you know what? Some things are too precious to share. These memories that my children and I have made will be in our hearts forever, even if I can't put them neatly in a post.

We came home a day early. I wanted my own bed and my children needed space to move around. It was nice to be home. Child rearing is NOT like riding a bike. You can't just pick up and do the same thing you did with #1 or #2. Each little human baby is unique and special and we have our own little wonderful amazing girl here. She is teaching us new things every moment we spend with her.

I am amazed by how one doctors account a baby at 37 weeks is full term. Then baby comes and all of a sudden she is early and needs special care. We are doctoring every day and her bilirubin levels are a bit too high (my husband has high bilirubin as an adult, we must talk to dr. about that...) so we have her on a biliblanket to help her liver develop. She is nursing like a pro (thank you Lord!), pooping and peeing and even sharing her gift of lung power with us every now and then for a good cry. I am a bit emotional, which comes with the territory. I hope to get my feelings in control here pretty soon. But, I always was a bit dramatic about things and I love a good cry every now and then. They are just nearer and more often now :)

I am pretty much at home all the time now. Baby needs to be on the blanket 24/7 until we hear more from the doctor. We take her off it to go in to the office and get her checked. I know I am anxious for her to be better, it makes nursing a bit difficult.

Today the kids are celebrating at school with their parties and we plan to go visit a very special birthday girl this afternoon between appointments. Hopefully I can keep my eyes dry for the part of the day that is important.

I am thankful for my strong and handsome hubby who is home for the week to help me out. I am thankful for wonderful friends and neighbors who have helped out with adorable girly and pink outfits, diapers, blankets and meals!

We have too many blessings to count and are reminded of God's love for us everyday.

(I don't have time to re-read this over and proof, so I hope you get the story, whether written beautifully or not...)

The miracle of LIFE

Born Thursday morning October 25th at 7am. She weighed a whopping 8 exact pounds and was 19.5 inches long. She came a bit early because I started leaking amniotic fluid.

We just never dreamed that she'd be so wonderful. We feel so very thankful for her precious little soul!

When I get time I will post more photos and all the details of her miraculous birth.

Note to self

Get over it.

If someone was keeping score on my daily battles, Satan would be winning. I give in to temptation and pout, fight, and whine because I am unhappy. It's pathetic. I mean it. I have no excuse for my behavior. It is sin.

Met with the Bible Study girls last night. I needed that more than even I knew. One of the girls was talking about how at her job she used to say that Jesus was in a chair. She kept tabs on what she was saying and thinking and what others said in her office by just naming a simple chair the Jesus chair.

Light bulb! I know God is here on earth. I tell it to my children all the time. Yet, when it comes to checking myself I fail miserably.

What if God weren't here on earth? Do you know how cruel and terrible this world would be? I think there is a terrific amount of brutality as it is. How much worse would it be without the aid of the Holy Spirit? Without the touch of Jesus, how could I survive my feelings of loneliness, despair and guilt? The world would be void of forgiveness, hope, and love. Without God and His grace and His promise of eternity, this world would be...hell.

Self;

Take advantage of God's forgiveness. Wrap yourself in His love. Sing praises to the hope and knowledge that eternal life is coming. Remember Jesus is here with us in everything we do and then decide what you are going to say or how you are going to act. Pray! Pray! Pray! Start everything in confidence, knowing that God will give you favor in every situation that is His will.
When you can't see Him, trust Him...Jesus is closer than you've ever dreamed.

The Lord is my strength and my shield, my heart trusts in Him and I am helped; my heart leaps for joy, and with my song will I praise Him. Psalm 28:7

Amen

Amen!

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow; Praise Him, all creatures here below;
Praise Him above, ye heavenly host; Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

Reflecting a bit on HIS amazing creation...and how blessed I am because of it.

Today there was absolutely nothing on the calendar. I have not seen a tiny square that white in a long time.

This morning I felt restless. I wanted to do something, anything. But, I was tired. I wandered around the house and finally settled down in the easy chair and watched some of my dvr'd shows. I felt pretty lazy and unproductive.

Then dh and ds went to the pumpkin patch and brought home the most beautiful gourds and pumpkins. Sometimes I can't believe the shapes and colors God can make. Last Saturday, at the Apple Orchard we saw this turkey with the most amazing colored head; periwinkle blue and purple and red. It was amazing.


Later, I was walking through the kitchen, the same kitchen I walk through every day a million times. I saw my plant, the same plant that has been there for 5 years. But today, I noticed this...
a beautiful blooming flower. I was shocked. I called my husband over to look at it. We found another one, white petals with tiny stippled purple dots. Wow.

After school dh wanted to go and collect some colored corn from his uncle's field. The kids love going out into the corn field. We had a great time trying to guess what color the kernels would be before we tore back the husks. Again, I was amazed by the glorious colors in God's creation. The colors were so vibrant and beautiful. Dd was the photographer for a couple of these...(see the Goodyear Blimp, incognito as a prego?)
These are the two colorful little creations that God has given me, aren't they beautiful? On our way home we saw a helicopter spraying the fields. Talk about modern agriculture. We pulled up along side the road to let ds and dd watch for awhile. I couldn't help thinking how blessed my life has been. I am alive and well. I witness beautiful colors and amazing creations every day. How lucky am I?

Thank you Lord for your amazing knack for design!

P.S. Kris - I am gonna need your help carving these ginormous pumpkins this year!!!

Cooperation with God's plan

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Jeremiah 29:11


Dh's birthday was the 19th. The kids and I made him a banana cake with cream cheese frosting and we had a piece the night before while he opened his card. On his birthday, he got up, walked upstairs and threw his can of chew into the trash. He said, "This is the first day of the rest of my life." At first, I thought he was joking. Before I got sick (that is my time line now, before cancer and after cancer) he chewed tobacco during baseball season only. That summer, the summer of my surgery and diagnosis he never stopped using it. Then he started chewing in the morning and then all day long. I knew he was stressed and I wanted him to stop, but how could I expect him to do so? I was told by my oncologist to give up sweets and did I stop sneaking chocolate, nope. Anyway, I was shocked and awed by his commitment to give up the stuff. I am proud of him, I HOPE he is successful. I hope I can afford to buy him a pack of gum for every day of the year... Thank you God for will power to kick our bad habits when we are ready.

Doctor says baby is good, BIG, but good. She is thinking of inducing for sure by the 6th of November if not earlier. There is something about making those last few appointments that really finalizes the whole thing. I mean, to the average person I look pregnant therefore I must be, right? But, in reality, when I am trying to keep a house together and get a kindergartener and a preschooler ready each day and sub a couple of days a week and everything else that happens each day, the belly is really an afterthought. When I do sit down and feel a foot or an elbow I think about it and how it will affect the dynamic of our family, but I have no fears anymore. Only FAITH that what will be, will be. Thank you God for your plan for my family.

Spent the weekend at the in-laws. They are refinishing their basement and hubby loves to get his hands dirty. I spent Saturday with my daughter and mother-in-law rummaging (FYI: I am amazed at the little stash of baby onesies I have. I only just started looking for white's and yellows and green's and I have a cozy little pile of baby items and a cute little Columbia winter fleece snowsuit for our new baby. The PLAN is already in place and it will work out, it feels like only a week or so ago I was worried and now I am content. Wish I wouldn't have wasted the energy thinking about it.). Anyway, dh wanted to fish a bit and we had the boat so we went out on the lake and dd was her typical tired, crabby self. It sort of ruined the whole event. I felt angry and disappointed that her behavior was such a problem. Later I took both of the kids to the park and I watched them play together. I began to think about all the things that their little brains have had to absorb in the last 12 months. All the days I was lying around after surgery and chemo, what did they think of their mother not being around for them? Then, as soon I was feeling better the baby comes into play...they must be so confused? So I began to pray. I prayed for them to feel love and for them to be able to wrap their brains around all the transitions that have been thrown at them. They have grown up into little people these past few months. It happened so fast. I feel like I missed something. I prayed for myself and my husband to have patience and to be content with our lives and not want, want, want. It is so fun to dream and wish but what are we teaching the kids? We have to be happy with what we have, we should be...we are blessed, beyond what we need to live. I prayed for PEACE. Thank you God for restoration.

Every tiny piece of God's creation is such a blessing. Saturday with my two children I experienced so many of them, a blade of green grass, a tiny ant, a seed, a drop of rain, a soft warm wind, a ray of sunshine, a flower, an empty playground, two precious children and a few THOUGHTFUL prayers. Man, life is really good. Thank you God for life.

August 1st, 2007

As we woke up my son whispered to me, "Mom can we stay here forever?" He was referring to his favorite spot in the world; an aunt and uncle's place in Prior Lake, MN. They have every thing a little boy has ever wanted...a four wheeler and a trail to ride it on.
He rode that thing every moment he could, he begged whoever was around to drive him. AND, when he wasn't riding it, he was wearing that blasted helmet. I think he would have slept in it if we didn't make him take it off.
His uncle just bought a new toy, too. Dh tried that out too, jk RK!?!?
The rest of us, in between giving ds four-wheeler rides, rested the day away. Except dh, I guess, he found an axe and starting cutting up some fire wood from the shelter belt around the house for his sister's new fire pit. Dh's sister and I made a quick visit to an awesome thrifty spot called Unique, I have no idea where it is, but it is worth the drive from where ever you are. I got the kids some VHS tapes for 80 cents and enough baskets organize my entire home and drive my hubby insane. In the late afternoon, dh and his sister were still deciding whether or not to attend the Twins game, about 25 miles away. I was putting the pressure on, dh hardly ever gets to see his favorite team play in person and I knew my son would love it,too. Finally, he put his foot down and said he didn't want to go, can't help but think it was the scrambled tummy from the fair still playing a major role. So we sent him to Super Target to get some necessities for supper. A few hours later while dh was grilling, his brother-in-law came home and told us to come and watch the t.v. We stood there in that cozy family room off the kitchen watching in horror as we learned that the 35W bridge crumbled in rush hour traffic not 20 minutes ago. We watched as the cameras zoomed in on a cloud of dust and fire. The chaos of people running from cars and cement still crumbling. We watched late into the evening hearing about kids on school buses and brave rescue efforts. It was a freak accident that my own family so narrowly avoided because of the decision not to attend the game. I prayed for the families who were affected, for the rescue workers, for the first responders, for the kids in the bus. We stayed the night and left early the next morning, because I had a doctor's appointment in Sioux Falls. Things were eerily calm and quiet when we left the cities the next morning. We stopped for a paper, but the news was contradictory, 9 dead, 7 dead, 60 injured, 20-30 missing. It was still too early, we listened to NPR all the way home. They interviewed engineers, politicians, people from FEMA. Everyone was hypothesizing what may have happened. Then they lowered the death toll to 4. I was a bit shocked, "how can 3-5 people come back to life?". They continued to say that preliminary reports were only estimates and that the numbers would take days to confirm.

I walked into my ultrasound with a renewed sense of how fragile life truly is.

Suddenly finding out whether or not my unborn child has a cleft lip wasn't all that important anymore.

for Karen, currently residing in 'Bama

I could pass for a 53 pound watermelon if you painted my belly green, huh?

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary...

Contrary to say the least. I believe we planted seeds in the garden in May and then completely forgot about that little patch of land until just recently when we had to TILL the weeds. AMAZINGLY enough, my dd took these shots of the lettuce and carrots just this morning. Talk about miracles...

Job 1:21 A Celebration of Life

Thank you, Ramblings From Life!