Every piece is a part...

of His plan, that is.

Friday, I had a Dr. appointment. They are pretty much routine now. This pregnancy is a little bit different than my others because I have the opportunity to participate in a research project called Safe Passage. The USD medical research department and Sanford Hospital along with South Dakota and another Midwest state and (get this) South Africa are doing research on SIDS. It is pretty interesting stuff. I pretty much just lay there and visit with the research assistant while they monitor the baby and ask me a few questions. When the baby is born, they will do a few quick and painless tests on him/her and that will be it.

I met a new assistant this time and we got to talking and wouldn't you know it? She is a cancer survivor. She blogged about it, too. She's two years out, just like me. She has two children. We have a lot of similarities. We spent the whole hour talking about how blogging was like therapy for us. It felt like those 60 minutes went by in a flash. The hospital is opening a new infusion center in a few months and she is on the planning committee for it so she was asking me if I had any suggestions. It was actually nice reminiscing about something that wasn't so pleasant. I believe strongly that going through it changed my life, for the better. There was so much growth in those 6-12 months. I can't really explain it. She is a Christian, too. That was the real clincher for me. I just knew it was part of the Big Plan for me to meet her and visit with her. I soaked up her positivity and her strong commitment to others who are fighting the bully. I may even get on the list to volunteer at the center. I think I would find it extremely fulfilling and hopefully I could help others who are just starting or ending their fight. Maybe it's what I am supposed to do when I grow up? Only He knows for sure, but I am posting a note in my crazy momma brain to think about it a little more and seriously consider how I can be of service to others.

Chemotherapy Round 12, THE LAST ONE.

Well, I did it. Made it through 6 months and 12 treatments. In the beginning it seemed like it would take forever. I even got my graduation certificate and a fleece blanket for all my suffering. Many of you have asked me how I am gonna celebrate. I thought at first about a bottle of wine, or a sip of my new favorite creamy dark beer. Then I thought about a nice meal and a movie, but when I got home today and I was worn out and tired I opened my Bible to thank God for all the blessings He has bestowed upon me. I really feel lucky and blessed to be alive. Even when I got sick during treatment and the nurse put a tiny band aid on me that I bled through and ruined my shirt and bra. We were blessed when my mom and I missed an accident with a school bus by a measly few moments and when I was able to talk with my sister on the phone for a few sacred minutes, and the weather cooperated and brought us safely home.

Here are some blessings I read about today in the Old Testament...it seems He has been blessing His people for a long, long, time...

Numbers 6:22-27(from God to the people of Israel)
God Bless you and keep you,
God smile on you and gift you,
God look you full in the face and make you prosper.

2 Chronicles 19:11 (from King Jehoshaphat to the appointed Levites, priests, and family heads.)
Be bold and diligent. And God be with you as you do your best.

Psalm 34:8
Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see--how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him.

Chemotherapy Round 11, (only 1more to go!) YIPPEE

I wore a new hat today that had mohair in it and it itched so bad one of the nurses gave me a green a red holiday knitted cap, I looked like an elf. Of course I would get sick this time, it was due. I held on to the pink bucket and ran for the toilet. There was no holding back this time. I can't win. I eat; I am sick. I don't eat; I am sicker...so much for getting a little more shopping done today. We filled my script for zofran and came right home. It is snowing and blowing here and I am scheduled to head to Watertown tomorrow for a training. Let's hope all goes well outide and in so we can go. I will leave you with my favorite tune...

This little ditty is sung to the tune of "you are my sunshine".

Zofran, my little Zofran.
You make me happy when my stomach is queasy.
You'll never know, pills, how much I love you.
Oh, please don't take my Zofran away.

Zofran, my little Zofran.
If I forget you, I'm up all hours.
You're so expensive, thank the Lord for copays.
Oh, please don't take my Zofran away.

Chemotherapy Round 10, (only 2 more to go!)

It used to be that I wanted to take in the whole experience, see the people, talk to them, get to know them. I love to socialize. That's why this is kind of hard for me to admit. Confession. The last 3 sessions or so I have really kept to myself. I find myself choosing the chair that doesn't have a neighbor. The quietest corner so I can curl up and listen to Jeremy Camp on the shuffle. I feel bad about not being social with the other patients and the nurses. I feel guilty. But for the most part my body craves rest and comfort during infusion and I have to listen to my body. Today I reclined back and closed my eyes and listened to awesome worship songs, I didn't bring any yarn, books, not even a magazine. I spent most of the few hours just listening to how other people worship and praise God and thanking him for my blessings. I did have a few visitors, my baby brother and my hubby and I had to get up and pee 3 times; other than that it was a pretty quiet treatment. Which is why I was surprised when the nurse told me my blood pressure is kind of low along with my white blood cell count and my hemoglobin. Sometimes I wonder why they share that info. with me because I was sort of lost as to how to improve it and she went about her business pumping me with poison, so I guess it was just a warning?!?!
I hope everyone has a blessed thanksgiving. I will leave you with my marketing mother's words, "Remember; Thanksgiving is an attitude, not just a day!"

Chemotherapy Round 9, (only 3 more to go!)

I only have to visit with the oncologist every other time now. So today was the day. It means more waiting room and a longer day. Instead of Dr.K I got to meet the nurse practitioner who was extremely thorough and very nice. She enlightened me about my anxiety and my :( weight gain. I have a script now for anxiety and I need to walk a little bit a couple times a day. I got my flu shot and my poison, too. The anti-anxiety stuff pretty much knocked me out so I napped the whole time again. It was after 2 by the time we got out of there and I was ready to leave. Even thinking about it now, as I am typing makes me feel nauseous. Next chemo. is scheduled for Wed., November 22, the day before Thanksgiving.
Dh will be taking the kids with him to the Scotland game tomorrow with his uncle. I don't think I am going to risk it. A nice quiet day of rest might be just what the doctor ordered, of course I have to squeeze in a short walk or two.
Sam gave us quite a scare last night. He escaped, twice, and the second time was after dark and I just couldn't find him. I called for him and called for him and dh looked,too. We eventually gave up and crawled into bed after 11 where I dreamt of speeding cars and smashed kitties. I woke up early and called again for him to no avail. I talked to dh about how Sam maybe wants to be an outdoor cat and we should take him to mom's. We stopped at Petco after chemo and picked up a reflective collar with a bell ('to save the bird population' was how the package read). When we got the kids and came home my daughter found him sleeping on the front deck, but he was hungry. We put the collar on him and hope to try and keep him indoors. I don't think he will be as likely to run out when the colder weather comes.
I really wanted to snap a few photos of the kids in this awesome weather, but I just don't have it in me tonight. I have to go and do the dishes and reheat some awesome leftovers.
"A truffle a day keeps the blues away" I just can't put my finger on why I am gaining wieght?!?

Chemotherapy Round 8, (4 more to go)

Well, yesterday was that time again and this time, because I was so anxious and fidgety the nurse gave me some ativan. I immediately felt like I was woozy and laid my head down in the recliner. I woke only moments before she had to flush my port. It was definately the easy way out. It was a little difficult to eat lunch with my dh afterwards, I was zoning and a little dizzy. But it sure made the three hours at the infusion center go by fast. If this will be the norm, I may have to give up crotcheting...I'll never get anything done if I am passed out the whole time.
I learned on Tuesday evening that my sister-in-law's father was in the hospital. It seems they have foudn some growths in his abdomen. They don't know much at this point. I know too well that feeling of "what's next". I remember sitting in the hospital room and just praying for someone to come and tell us what was going on. It is scary and I am praying for their family to find the strength to get through this.
October is fading fast and the end of the year will be upon us in no time. I am excited for a fresh and healthy 2007.

Chemotherapy Round 7, (5 more to go)

I am officially not a new patient anymore. I tried to schedule my next appointment for a Tuesday again and the receptionist quickly told me I wasn't able to meet with my doctor as he reserves Tuesday mornings strictly for new patient visits. So we move the therapy dates to Wednesdays and I become just another name on the list of cancer patients. Done deal.
The infusion center was full again today. It seems Wednesdays are busy days. It is becoming more difficult to stomach the drugs, today was my fist day with the little pink puke bucket in my lap while I was being pumped with my 'poison'. That was an experience I could live without doing again. But, keeping with the positivity, we are one more visit closer to the end.
I am pretty tired tonight and it's been a long week already so I am turning in. I hope to get online again soon. Check out the latest news about the daycare to keep in the know. We have to get all the right information out so people can have the knowledge before they have to vote on the issue.

Chemotherapy, Round 6 (six more to go) THE HALF WAY POINT

The infusion center is amidst some construction projects, today I had to move out of my chair half- way through the drip to allow the electrician to work. It wasn't too bad. In fact, now that I am looking more bald I got to go through the donation basket and I chose a hat and a bandana to wear. My counts were really good today, wbc = 11.7.

As we left the oncology clinic we were met with a glorious sunshine filled day. It was really nice, though the sun is not really good for me. I popped a zofran and we went on our merry way.

When I got home the monkey was predicting my future, for the next week or so. I love that monkey almost as much as the bottle of pills.

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Chemotherapy, Round 5 (seven more to go)

What a week already! Whew.

PET scan went well. See previous post for details. The one thing I left out was that the enlarged lymph node or mass did not shrink,it just died. So it will be there forever. They do not remove them because the risks far outweigh the benefits.

Chemo went fast today. I was really tired coming in to this one. I hope I can get some well needed rest today and tomorrow and get on with it.

Planning a celebratory evening of dd's current favorite meal pancakes and a Disney movie called The Wild. You know what? I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Chemotherapy, Round 4 (eight more to go)

Took my mother today to treatment, dh had to work and the kids went to daycare. It was a 9 o'clock which is pretty late so we didn't even get started till almost 11. It went smoothly but made for a long day. Mom taught me how to crochet and I am making a gift for a dear friend of mine. It is so easy. I love it. I laughed because before cancer I would have never had the patience to sit and learn such a craft. I am just not a patient person, or was not. My mom had to giggle, too, she said she would have never even thought of teaching me before....just goes to show that God knew what He was doing. I am a more patient, more compassionate, more educated, more open minded person which is an awesome trade off for a few chemo treatments and a surgery or two. My body heals fast and my soul is fed forever. Praise the LORD!
My precious children had an awesome day and were in such good care, they came home using words like short and long in a sentence. My son told me a story about his picture that he colored. He even named all the people in it. It brought tears to my eyes. One of my main priorities when I chose to become a sahm (stay at home mom) was to use my education degree to the fullest extent and make little geniuses out of my children, needless to say I have failed big time on that goal. I hardly play with them anymore, I always have some excuse...I'm tired, or I'm busy or I have to clean up. What is the matter with me, why can't I just stop and hold them? I think that is the thing I miss the most, just grabbing them up and holding them. I am just now getting enough strength to attempt it and man does it feel good. Praise the LORD, again!
A super amazing gift from God friend turned me on to another spectacular blog today. I think the blog is replacing coffee time in my generation, we are all too busy with our everyday to get together so we talk to each other through writing about our daily experiences. Isn't it amazing how someone else's day can affect our emotions. I love blogging. We never even see or hear each other, but we feel like we are true friends.... I read some where that a friend is someone you can sit with for awhile and not say a word and walk away feeling like you had the best conversation ever. I feel that way about reading other people's snipit's of our daily walks in life. They are really amazing conversations between friends that don't even know each other. Praise the LORD a third time. AMEN!

Chemotherapy, Round 3 (nine more to go)

The iron pills must be doing their job because my hemoglobin was up to 11.7 today (yeah!). Doc is very happy we are on schedule and is anxious to see the PET scan in 4 weeks or so. We may start radiation right away if I need it, instead of waiting until January. Next chemo. is scheduled for August 29th.
My new phrase is going to be, "Did I tell you........?"If you wonder why please refer to my previous post. My dh and I were thinking today, if we did this all over again we would schedule chemo for later in the week and spend the day garage saleing (sp?I wish this blogger had a better spell checker).
Is it possible to be in a packed room and still be cold and lonely? The clinic was full today and I felt like I was on the outside looking in. My age brings the average patient age down 20-30 years which may explain my loneliness. In the waiting room I watched a middle aged son walk his mother (who was wearing a fabulous head wrap) in to the receptions desk. About 30 minutes later I matched the mothers face to two other young women entering the clinic. They quickly found each other and embraced and I thought to myself, it must be her first time here. Many more faces slowly filled the room, a husband and wife, an older man with his daughter, a middle aged man by himself, a few more women in hats that matched their shoes or their shirts. Everyone in their own stages of battle with the big "C". I played 'guess the patient' as they kept coming in the door. The women who had lost their hair were the most obvious. Then there were the ones with a port already accessed, the tubing coming up and out of their shirts was the giveaway. Next, came the harder ones, the physically fit 'if you saw them on the street you wouldn't think they had cancer' ones. One lady had a tube coming out of her neck. Another was in a wheelchair obviously recovering from surgery. I wondered if they looked at me and thought, "poor young woman", or if they were still reeling from the effects of finding out they, too, had a free ticket to the cancer club.
I couldn't help but feel like I had graduated from stage 1 (all about me) to stage 2 (there are so many of us) as I sat down in the now familiar laminated easy chair. The family to my right had just found out in the last 24 hours that he had lung cancer and his wife was frantically calling everyone on the cell phone and asking the nurses and doctors questions and I thought to myself, "I know how you feel." The woman to my left said to me after I came back from the rest room and caught her eye, "You are much too young for this." I smiled and my eyes welled up as I thought to myself, "I have the best chance at beating this, too." She sat with a friend and talked about her chemo schedule being interrupted by her recent cold and how she has been coming for treatment since January of this year. I watched as the patients came and went some needing long treatment and some short ones. Some said, "see you ladies tomorrow" to the nurses as they left. I felt so helpless. So many people are suffering. How dare I complain about my tummy aches and fatigue? I am one of the lucky ones. Thank you dear Jesus.

Powering up for Chemo #2

We are scheduled for my second round of chemo today. I feel tired, but STRONG. All the love and the prayers from my family and friends are powering me and I will be brave today. I will try and post later this week to let everyone know how it went. Thanks for all your support and your kind thoughts. We had a super delicious meal last night with vegetables that tasted so yummy. My daughter ate all the chicken out of the stir fry and I ate all the veggies. We are so lucky to have such amazingly wonderful friends. There may have been a plate of brownies delivered last night, too. The jury is still out on that one; until they can prove I ate the whole plate I am not saying anything.

Chemotherapy, Round 1 (eleven more to go)

Well, I made it through. I was more nervous for chemo than I was for surgery and I probably should have switched that around. The surgery was a bit more invasive than I had thought and it knocked me silly. I had such a darn headache before surgery (caffeine withdrawal from no coffee, I think) and afterwards I was nauseas. We had to be in for surgery at 9 and things moved pretty quickly I was in recovery shortly after 11. But I was ill and needed a rest so I hung there till almost 2, then they took the IV out and I got dressed as best I could and went across the street to the oncology clinic. We were educated a little on the drugs ABVD and then we got started. It was odd, all these chairs lined up in a row hooked to IV stands. I was lucky to get a room with a bed since I came from surgery. The nurse seemed to think that next time I would be in the big room. The side effects from 3 of the drugs cause hair loss, she figured that would happen to me, hair cells are the fastest growing cells and that is what chemo does, kills the fast growing cancer cells along with all the other fast growing cells in your body. I may lose my nails, too, and get bruises. She asked me if I was nauseas with my pregnancies, I told her no, so she initially thought I would be okay with nausea. I had to get up and pee a couple of times and the second time, my dh was whisper yelling at me to slow down, I was running so fast he couldn't keep up with me with the IV. I really had to go. My nurse pushed the drugs this time, but next time they drip, so it may take longer. I was starving and exhausted so we ate at Subway and came home. I slept till 7 and then felt awful. My dh filled a script for Zofran, even though we thought we probably would not need it. Can you believe without our insurance 6 pills would have cost us almost $300.00 YIKES? So I was sick to my stomach and spitting in the toilet, but nothing came up, then I took a $50 pill and a pain pill and went to sleep. I was up again feeling sick two times before 7 am. I drank juice and water and ate saltines to get through. I am not sure if it is from chemo or surgery. But I am keeping a log of everything so I can maybe get a handle on it. Every other Tuesday for the next 6 months, I am on the ABVD Day 1 and Day15 Agressive Chemotherapy regimen. We have a lab appt. next Tues. and Round 2 scheduled for Aug. 1st. Prayers graciously accepted.