Sunday, August 12, 2012

Not giving up... just letting go


This summer has brought a bunch of change to our daily family routine. There is practically nothing that has remained the same, except the fact that we are the same family of six.

With change, there is a period of time for adjustments. Each one of us has our own length of time needed to adjust. Some of us were able to get comfortable with our "new" life rather quickly and some of us are still working on it.

In April my mother got married. In May Ryan started full time weekends, he works Friday, Saturday and Sunday every week. At the end of May we packed up our home of 15 years and moved out to the place where I grew up, my childhood home. We filled the garage and the shed with boxes. In June, I tried a new online position on for size and decided it wasn't for me. I tried to help with the annual community event in town. Ryan cut and raked the pasture. I forgot to water mom's flower garden. We squeezed out a weekend camping. I started working at the swimming pool. The kids swam at the pool. The kids all played summer ball. The boxes are still in the garage and the shed. We rescued large numbers of kittens. They are now domesticated because of my children. In July we all got sunburned almost weekly. I forgot to water mom's flowed beds and the tomatoes. We sold the hay bales. Ryan got the tractor running, except for the power steering. He pulled the old fencing out,without power steering. August snuck up on us. We watched a few Olympic events.We went to a family reunion. We ate some sweet corn. We registered our 4-H projects for achievement days.We got purple and blue ribbons. We watched friends show sheep. We dreamed of fences and raising our own animals. We ate a few tomatoes if we could get to them before the dogs. (They sure love perfectly ripe 'maters.) The boxes are still in the garage and the shed. I thought once or twice about unpacking them.We went to the Train concert, short but sweet. The kids got to see Jamie Grace at the fair with their aunt. I filled out job applications. I went for a hilly run with a friend. The kids helped dad make new fences. I glanced at my filled to the brim calendar for the rest of the month.

In the mornings I have my cup of coffee out on the deck. I watch the kids play with the kittens. I listen to my husband list off all the plans (dreams) he has for the land. I sip my coffee. I thank the Lord for the blessings I have. I do not deserve this. I have not earned this. I am not worthy of this. I am eternally grateful for this time with my family.

The boxes will get unpacked when I need them. We have already found the box of school supplies. The house will get organized when it happens. In the mean time, we eat, we sleep, we enjoy the time together, whether the pictures are hung on the wall or not. I watch the dogs sniff the green tomatoes in the garden and make a mental note to pick the tomatoes before they ripen if I want to eat them.

Yesterday dad came home from work and helped his son make a play book for football. They sat for over an hour drawing up plays and acting them out in the kitchen. They were really into it. I have been really tense about this whole little boy football thing, but for those few moments I was really happy that they could identify with each other and speak their own language and bond. It will be a totally different story when I am on the sidelines, teeth clenched, eyes closed, praying for no injuries.

I am overwhelmed. The house in town has not sold. I am not comfortable yet. I will not give up, but I will let go. I will try to find my pace in this new adventure. I am downshifting a bit, somethings are not as quick and easy as I anticipated. I will have to let some things go. We have a lot but not enough. We have too much but we still do not have what we need to make this land our own. We will make some mistakes, we will have some successes. What an awesome experience it will be! The dynamic of our home is drastically different. It is a welcome change. I pray that this is where the Lord wants us to be.
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