It's official

I guess I should start at the beginning. Or the middle. Whatever.

In 2011 the left side of my face became droopy. My Dr. said it was Bell's Palsy. He ordered an MRI. Which is why I have my baseline. Maybe I knew then but I surely know now there was at least one lesion in my brain at that time. But from everything I have read nobody gets diagnosed with just one lesion. It's called Multiple Sclerosis for a reason.

Fast forward to the beginning of February. My face was acting up again. This time instead of falling down it was sort of pulling up. It would spasm for a short time and then sort of relax and this went on for a good four or five days. Until it was mostly frozen in a sort of half smile-smirk for the better part of the day, only relaxing in the late afternoon enough for me to not have to pretend I was just smiling all day. It was an odd feeling. No pain, Just tension. Then some numbness like I just had some work done at the dentist and the Novocaine just wasn't worn off. Then one day I was eating my lunch and I bit a chunk out of my cheek. I tasted the blood before I even knew I had done it. That was weird.

So I decided to get an appointment. Which in itself is a terrible inconvenience. A sub says she can work and then says she can't and then has to write plans from her sub plans for another sub.It gets messy.

But I did it. Initially he thought it was Trigeminal neuralgia. But the more he listened to my symptoms the more he was perplexed. He went through a battery of tests to see how bad the numbness was. What pain was involved? How was my balance? Then he simply said, well I could put you on a muscle relaxer to stop the discomfort. Because that is what I was calling it. I wasn't in pain. It was just annoying. Or we could do an MRI. Did I need muscle relaxer? Is that the quick fix? Are you sure of the diagnosis? No. Okay, I said let's do the MRI. My husband I a joked it was a pretty expensive test to rule some things out. He listed lots of things it "could" be. A whole list. I didn't really hear anything but tumor. Yes, let's rule that out, please.

The nurse scheduled an MRI for the next morning so I went in and laid on the cold table did what I had to do. It was quick and painless. Back to work I went. Hoping for results sooner than later. But, by now the face was beginning to look a little more normal again, or I was just getting used to it. I kept asking my friends, does it look swollen? Can you tell if it's crooked?

Now if you want to read this in sequence you have to read my previous post next. That's what teachers do. We tell you to put the events in sequence. So here it is.

My second date with the MRI was on the mobile truck and it was much more pleasant. Maybe it was just the nice technicians or the fact that I knew exactly what was happening. Although this one was much longer, almost two hours and I needed to have an iv in for part of it so they could take a look at more specific areas in my brain and my cervical spine.

There was one sort of funny part.The tech says, what kind of music do you like? I said I like most kinds. Thinking maybe he had a relaxation cd or ocean sounds or something. He kind of surprised me because they didn't even offer me headphones at the hospital only blaze orange ear plugs. So as the table slid in to the magnetic resonance imaging machine on comes the loudest, twangiest country music. I listened to it for almost an hour before, when they moved me to put the iv in, I begged for 96.5. That part was a litle painful.

So that was late Thursday night. I missed my son's ballgame. I didn't get home till almost 7 from a 3:00 appointment. I was exhausted. Meanwhile I have an appointment to meet with the neurologist at 7:45 the next morning.

I forgot to mention that during all of this my awesome, strong, better half was suffering from a terrible, icky flu. He even went to acute care to get something to help him through it. He tried to make all the appointments with me but he just wasn't well. My mom volunteered to take me in on Friday morning. Late Thursday, the hubby had to call in sick, he decided it just isn't good practice to have a health care professional take care of you while they are ill. But, it made me feel safe because now he would be able to take me in for the diagnosis appointment and his brain is so much more reliable than mine.

He loaded up on cough drops, hand sanitizer and filled his pockets with tissue, and off we went.

The neurologist was all business this time. He showed us the MRI, the MRI with contrast and the baseline MRI from 2011, yes, it was all there. What was there in 2011is bigger now and there are more lesions, And, the most interesting part, the re was plaque in my cheek. He mentioned that is not as common as other places. So it's official.I have M.S.

They handed my husband a book and some pamphlets and me the tissues. We has a strong feeling it was coming. We had a lot of questions. Primarily,what now?

Well a compounded dose of some steroids to start with and then a regiment of 3 shots a week, indefinitely. I repeated it to him, indefinitely? He repeated it once again back to me without a flinch.

All righty then.I have enough reading material to get me through the next several weekends or months.

He did have some words of knowledge but, of course, I barely remember most of it. It will come back to me someday I hope. I do remember him saying a lot of people have it and you can't even tell. Something about maintaining a pretty good quality of life on these medications.

But for the present moment this is my life.

I don't really know how to tell people. It's not like you can see what I have. I'm not afraid of what you might think. I am just not well versed about this disease. But, I know I will be. With the help of my friends and family and some wonderful supplements and vitamins I will be taking this diagnosis for the ride of it's life. My creator had this in mind for me since the moment He made me. I trust him completely even when I can't comprehend what is happening. It's a reminder that I should thank Him because

Beautiful Day

What a great Saturday I had! The sun was shining and the grass was a beautiful shade of green from the drink the rain gave it. Oh, and the company was SPECTACULAR!!!! I had a great time with Deann and coach Carey. Thanks beautiful women! If you asked me a year ago if I would have fun running 3 miles I would have laughed in your face. Today I will tell you I would do it again right now...

He's BaaaAAAaaack...

Project man, that is. This time siding and windows. Out with the old...
in with the new.

This is the old living room window.

You can't really tell, but I got a bigger table last week.

This is what my kitchen looks like as of late. It's a shame you can't tell that I have a larger table. I am thankful for the life I have that deems it neccessary to get a larger table. EXTREMELY thankful. Yet, I can't help noticing how exhausted my sis and I look in this photo. Life is full at the moment.

It is about to get a tad more crazy here...

If one can imagine more crazy, that is.

My sister, her hubby and her four children are moving into a house in the village this weekend, (as I type, in fact).

I am excited, anxious, happy, nervous, delighted and exhausted.

Truth be told. I don't know what life will be like.

Yet, I can't wait to find out and I am sure YOU will be the first to hear all about it.

I have already learned one extremely simple yet invaluable lesson.

When there are only three strawberries left, do not offer them to one child. For she will inevitably run outside and scream at the top of her lungs, "Strawberries". To which I am forced to explain myself, no less than 5 times to no less than 5 children, that the strawberries are all gone, no more, nada.

Sigh... this is going to be a very interesting ride and, no doubt, the kids are going to have some awesome memories in the making :)

Love you, sis! Welcome to the village:)

Fresh eyes

I met a family today. They moved into the neighborhood two weeks ago. She walks past my house everyday to go and get her kids from school. I said hello to her today, for the first time. We chatted a bit. She caught me off guard, as she looked at my toy laden back yard, and asked if I did daycare. "No, I used to, well...it's a long story..." I didn't get into it. I asked her where she worked. She is looking for a job. She use to be a lunch lady in Brandon. We chit chatted about school, small towns and how to get bed upstairs in tiny old homes. It was nice.

It exhausts me to think about filling a new person in on the events of my life in the past few years. I. just. don't. want. to. do. it. Maybe I will sometime. Or maybe, I will let our little town tell the story itself. We'll see.

A fat mom's guide to eating better and getting moving again, yes, even after all those years.

Let’s face it, no one likes being overweight. Not even a little bit. I have gained 50 plus pounds over the course of 7 years. There are a lot of different factors that weigh in (excuse the pun) to a person’s overall health. Metabolism, illness, baby weight, and even depression are just a few issues that I myself have dealt with. Now, after my fourth child I feel fat and tired and I am just plain sick of myself. I don’t want to diet, I don’t want to join a gym, I can’t afford to hire a trainer. I just want to feel better about myself and model good health behaviors for my children. For the last few months I have made a concentrated effort to get moving. Consequently, I have started and stopped and started again. My determination is short-lived and is fueled by my emotions which can be completely out of control at times. Yet, in this short time I have learned some things that I think will help me make this a life change and not just a short lived attempt at trying to lose weight.

1. My body likes exercise. It’s the hard, cold, truth people. My heart was built for beating and my lungs were built for breathing. God gave me this body and it is my responsibility (I Cor. 6:7) to take better care of it. I can complain and procrastinate all I want, but the moment I get moving I feel better, almost instantly. I have had issues, my ankle doesn’t like jogging and my butt doesn’t like biking. I choose to do some resting and change up my routine. In other words I don’t do the same thing over and over. It gives my brain a work out, too. It takes patience and a bit of extra will power, but that feeling of whatever it is that runs through my whole body after I start moving for a bit is so worth the effort. I can’t really explain it and I feel pretty dern stupid for avoiding this ‘high’ for such a long, long, time. Speaking of time…
2. I can make the time. For years, I have used excuse after excuse not to get up and move. It really isn’t the easiest time for me to start now, either. I haven’t slept through the night since May of 2005. I am tired. I am busy cleaning up five other people’s messes and barely have time to shower. Mornings are crazy, afternoons are horrendous and evenings are worse yet. In May, when I started walking, I would think about it for days. I'd look at the calendar, ask my husband to be home at a certain time so I could go…now I just do it. I snatch up a free 30-60 minutes and take off. That is how it works for me. My family has a schedule that is just too crazy to try and plan a time. If I do plan it, then I think about it and my head starts playing tricks on me and I feel like I should clean the kitchen instead of exercise. I don’t know how other people do it, but I live in the moment. Carpe deim . Today, my hubby was dozing and the kids were all hungry for lunch and I said, I am going for a bike ride, be back in an hour. That was that. I got home and they were all still alive, AND I got to move today. Sometimes I meet my husband at the door and say, I need an hour, I am going for a walk.
3. I need time to myself. I completely understand the group exercise thing. I am sure it is fun to visit and have someone to be accountable to. I think I may actually enjoy working out with others. But, I gotta be honest. I love being alone. It is just me and God. I am loving the sound of the wind over my ipod music and seeing the green grass and the beautiful trees. I wonder if I will be able to enjoy myself this much when the snow comes? I hope I can. I don’t get much alone time these days. My brain goes positively nuts. I think about how great it is to be alive, how amazing my Creator is. I ponder my relationships with people and my children’s future. I plan about a gazillion things to blog about only to forget them all when I step onto my driveway. I am blessed with living here my whole life. I enjoy revisiting places I knew well while I was growing up, the mile between my husband's childhood home and mine, the field where we gathered as high schoolers to listen to local bands and hang out, the secluded spots where my husband and I 'talked' for hours.
4. Small steps take longer, but will help me change my life for the better. I am just a mom. I cannot do everything by myself. Sometimes I just need a chocolate covered rice krispy bar to make everything better. I allow myself that. I feel like if I make a conscious effort to make better choices, I can afford to still reward myself. Only now, instead of a whole row I savor one small piece of a treat to satisfy my cravings. It works most of the time. Do I get sidetracked and bake for a week? Sometimes. Emotions rule my eating. If I can just learn to get moving instead of stuffing my face when I feel down, I may be able to maintain a healthy weight and feel good, too. Sometimes when I am sore from moving, my brain makes excuses and doesn’t want to do anything for a week. Those are the time when guilt sets in and I eat a whole bag of m&m’s. I need to work on that. I am trying to remember to do some sit ups and leg lifts before I fall asleep. I haven’t been as successful at that goal, unfortunately. Small steps, right?
5. It’s not just about the numbers. If I were keeping score I would be losing, badly. So I don’t keep score. I don’t count the number of times I exercise. I don’t keep track of how far I ran or rode. I don't count how many calories I just burned only to replace them with a piece of chocolate. I just do it. When I feel like everything is just about as perfect as it could be I turn around and head home. Sometimes I make it a long way, sometimes I make it around the block. But every time, I move. I haven’t lost a pound. My clothes don’t fit any better. It may take a long time for me to see any real results. But I am trying. I am making an effort to improve my health, and you know what? I like it.

Garden Goodness!

Community Garden Receives Fiskars Grant

Montrose Community Garden volunteers will be using $1,500 worth of high-quality Fiskars gardening tools in the community garden this year. They will also be able to spend $1,000 on garden-related materials (i.e. green goods) for use in the garden or other beautification projects in Montrose.

Since 2003, Project Orange ThumbSM has funded over 100 community projects with more than $200,000. Project Orange ThumbSM is a grant program that provides community garden groups with the tools and materials they need to reach their goals for neighborhood beautification and horticulture education. This year there were over 1,000 applicants.

Montrose was one of 20 recipients selected nationwide. The application process included a written portion submitted online, and a creative element. Volunteers worked together to submit a quilt wall hanging. Some of the quilt’s squares were made from photos of the town’s community gardeners either working in the garden or distributing vegetables from the garden to Montrose-area residents. It was felt that the photo quilt strongly represented the sense of community we experience while gardening together.

The Fiskars organization will, in the upcoming months, organize a ribbon-cutting ceremony. They will also ask recipients to participate in a blog with photos and updates.
A list of the recipients from 2009 and previous years is available at the Project Orange ThumbSM web site www.fiskars.com. The Montrose Community garden was started in 2007 as part of our town’s participation in the Horizon’s program. Located just east of the Central Farmers elevator in town, numerous residents volunteer their time and sweat planting, weeding, and picking produce which they make available to the community for free-will donations during the growing season.

blame it on the rain/snow...

Remember Milli Vanilli? I didn't have too many secular music choices in my music library when I was a teen. But I had Milli; the infamous lip-sync'ers...I sure know how to choose them.

The weather is wreaking havoc on my life.

Just as I am about to go nutzo the sun comes out and I forget about all my cares and woes and then as quick as it appeared it's gone and I am lost again.

I am supposed to be packing summer clothing for our trip. But when I am wearing three layers daily and still wrapping myself in blankets when I sit down it makes it hard to visualize wearing a swimsuit.

The weather man is predicting the big one for tonight and tomorrow and I am less than thrilled. It just dried up for crying out loud. I am tired of muddy boots and wet snow pants. I am tired of cold drafts and wind that can knock even me over. Come on Spring!

Normally my husband is the one who suffers the most from this seasonal thing. But this year I don't even want to get dressed in the morning. Thank goodness my frizzy hair is long enough for a pony because that is a staple these days.

I have a slight urge to get a pedicure before the trip, but that would require me leaving the house. Which probably won't happen because...

I am a hermit.

Yesterday I took the kids to school for picture day. I figured since the last professional picture I have of #2 is when he is barely a month old, it was time. I made the entire school (okay two elementary classes but it was a lot of kids) wait for my kids to get the perfect shot (actually I just wanted all three of them to be facing the camera). It took almost 15 minutes. It felt like a lifetime. I hate photo shoots. The perfect shot will never be taken. I don't know why I even get my hopes up. #3 never even cried. She is frightened by anyone who says 'hi' to her but she just stared at the photographer. No smile, but no tears. I suppose it was a success. This is my first child with stranger anxiety. My other two grew up when I was managing the city daycare and they were comfortable with chaos. #3 likes kids but adults are a different story. Grandma has this idea that if she visits often #3 will warm up to her. So far it hasn't worked. She is better in the morning though. Mental note: plan all outings for before lunch.

#3 does like the outside though. Last night her and her sister and her brother sat and watched daddy grill pork loin (note previous post). It was quite cold by evening but she loved being outdoors. Probably because I have kept her locked up like a hermit for 5 months.

It doesn't help that dh has been working harder than I can ever remember. I only see him once a week or so and unfortunately we usually end up getting into a disagreement over something stupid.

More depressing things...I still haven't filed my amended tax return and the van has been in the shop for over two months. Should I just cancel the insurance? I have no idea what to do. Meanwhile we are squeezing three car seats in the back of vehicles. Perhaps another reason why I don't go out too often.

To make a long rant even longer, I was over a month behind on daily devotions. Where does that time go? I can't even spare 10 minutes to read the Word of God.

PATHETIC.

Usually, when this happens I 'punish' myself by reading every day that I missed in one day which really backfires because I am a speed reader and miss half of the message I should be soaking in. Because I am exhausted and depressed I just read yesterdays and today and what do you know? It was just what I needed to hear. Way to go, God! I am so blessed to have you pulling for me. I don't deserve it but I am extremely thankful for your grace.

Why Worry?
Cease from anger and forsake wrath;fret not yourself-it tends only to evildoing.
Psalm 37:8
Worry is useless. It accomplishes nothing. Why worry? It only attacks my mind and keeps me from serving the Lord as I should.
And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure to his stature or to the span of his life?
Matthew 6:27

Praying His Will
I will grant whatever you shall ask in My Name. John 14:14
This could be slightly misleading. Does this mean that I will get what I pray for no matter what? Nope. All effective prayer involves praying the will of God, not the will of man. Pray that His perfect will be done though we do not know what that will be.

Maybe you are a bit behind on devotions, too. Maybe these verses will help cleanse your brain and let you see a bit more clearly. I hope you are free of worry and open to the will of the Lord today and everyday. AMEN.

I believe the saying goes..."PEACE OUT"

Mahalo very much to the hospital previously know as Sioux Valley

Once upon a time, my dh won a trip from his employer.

After much deliberation and research we have finally decided to use the 'gift' he received and take an anniversary trip to Hawaii.

We leave April 22nd and make a quick stop in Oakland, CA to watch the Twins play. Then it's off to Hawaii to see a couple of islands and we return home on the 30th.


This should be an exciting time, right? I mean I just bought the tickets for the game and I should be feeling little butterflies of anticipation in my tummy, but I am not.

All I can think about is the kids. We went back and forth and sideways trying to figure out what to do and where to go and whether we should take the kids. Finally, we decided that after 10 years we really "needed" a little husband and wife time. It has been a crazy couple of years and our life has been turned completely upside down. My dh is really excited and he keeps saying, " I wish we could leave today..." I just smile and sigh. I hope that in 50 days I can really walk away and feel like I am going to be able to relax and enjoy the special time with my best friend whom I haven't really talked to in ages. What on earth are we going to talk about for 8 days?

I just can't stop thinking about who is going to sing to the baby when she is getting her diaper changed and who is going to gently remove the booger from her nose when she has one. Who is going to rock a bye her at night when she can't get herself back to sleep. It's eight days and I keep thinking she is not going to remember me when I get back. Who's gonna rub her gums and put a cold apple slice in her mouth to help her teethe? Who's gonna make sure the 7 folds of skin under her chin are clean? I worry about the fact that I wash her sheets every night and make sure she has a dry bib on every few hours. I worry about the fact that my son likes to snack every other hours and he loves a nutritious lunch of cheese tacos and apple slices. I worry about who is going to check off the tooth brushing chart for my kindergartner and who is going to read to the kids for 20 minutes a day. And how am I going to remember to tell whoever we convince to take over that the baby loves to watch her older siblings wrestle in the living room. It's the only time she laughs out loud. Will I remember to tell the sitter to lay her down on her back but tilt her slightly to the left or right, alternating sides so she doesn't have a flat head? Will I remember to tell the sitter that when my son says he wants to wear his "handsome clothes" he means his suit and tie? Will whomever we get to watch the kids have the patience to play connect four and trouble for 3 hours straight without a break? Will the sitter have the patience to sit at the computer and play Webkins with the oldest because she can't quite read yet? I know you think I am going crazy but this is just the beginning. I have to remember to tell them that if #1 doesn't leave by 8:10 she will miss morning recess and on gym days she likes to wear short sleeves and a hoodie so she can take it off when she gets overheated. Oh, and the preschooler loves to wait outside the elementary school door until both lights turn green so he can open it himself before preschool. After school can be really stressful if you don't have snack ready and supper is best when planned early because it seems like between 3:30 and 6 time ticks twice as fast. If I miss bedtime by less than 30 minutes the morning routine is extremely difficult. Who is going to put #1 back to bed when she is sleep walking or calm her down when she has night tremors and rub #2's legs when he has growing pains at 3am? Do I write a book and hope that the sitter has a few days to read it or just let her fend for herself? A baby can change so much in a week, maybe she will need to start eating veggies or go up in a diaper size? ARRGH!

So do you see now why it's not really a vacation? It's a lot more work. I love you, honey, but is it really worth it?

It's a good thing TEN isn't my lucky number...

Well, I finished my 2 mile walk in front of the t.v. despite #3 pooping before I hit a half mile. It made those deep cleansing breaths pretty difficult, though. I also got the stretchy band thing caught in my hair! Can you believe that? What an idiot! Good thing I don't believe that those are signs I should hang up the exercise hat.

My MSN news page highlights this article today, "Why forcing your kids to apologize is a bad idea." By Emily Bazelon - Slate Magazine.

It's 6:53 am the day after I posted how I was going to change my life this year and I have nearly sabotaged two of my resolutions. Way to go, me.

It's about time... my ten resolutions.

It's nearing the end of January and I still haven't found the perfect resolution. This happens to me every year. I really want to find one thing to concentrate on improving about my life and I just can't narrow it down so this year I am going to try and do lots of little things and hopefully one or several with stick with me and I will be successful for once.

The early show on television always has lots of inspiring information.Since, I have an infant who nurses I tend to catch it quite regularly. This morning, in particular, it was packed full of useful suggestions. It had experts suggesting to refinance your home now while the rates are very low, not to treat your home like an investment but as a place to 'live in'. It talked about saving money in stocks instead of making pricey home improvements. Everyone wants a bigger better home, now. It used to be the average home was less than 1000 square feet, in 2005 the average home had grown to over 2400 square feet. We justify needed more space for storage and things. One of my complaints about our home is that it is too small. If I wouldn't use one entire bedroom as a toy room and buy a lot in bulk we would have a lot more space. So, my goal is to get rid of the toys and shrink my pantry.(resolution number one) I want to clear my mind of remodeling the kitchen and adding a bedroom, when we really don't need the extra space. I made a mental note to converse with the main man about refinancing the house, too.

A blog that I frequent often, called the crunchy chicken, is currently in the middle of a project called (No Overeating While Attempting to Save The Environment (NOWASTE) I like the idea of cleaning out the cabinets while losing weight. Unfortunately one of my biggest pantry hogs currently is my cake mix collection. I currently have over 15 different boxes so I borrowed the Cake Mix Bible from the bookmobile and have been baking like a madwoman. Helping the storage but not the stomach so much. I have been adding my new 'secret' ingredient now when I am cooking. Flax seed was introduced to me by a fellow blogger and I was hooked immediately because I can get it locally. From the site;
'Flax is considered one of nature’s best sources of Omega 3 oils, which is believed to reduce the risk of several forms of cancers, lower cholesterol, stabilize blood sugars, strengthen the immune system, and reduce the risk of heart attacks. In addition, flax is an excellent source of lignans and fiber.'
I used crunchy's calculations to see what my target weight should be and almost fell out of my chair. I felt better adding doable things to my daily routine like doing sit-ups each night and doing an exercise DVD every day.(resolutions number two) I have been successful with implementing these small changes so far, although my first born keeps asking me, "mom, when are you going to get skinny?"

I like the idea of changing a small thing and making a huge difference. Like; helping my kids become more accountable for their actions by making them say they are sorry more often (like they mean it),(resolution number three) adding flax seed to our diet,(resolution number four) drinking more water,(resolutions number five) and eating more foods that grow in my garden and trees and eating less foods that are man made (resolution number six). I want to pray more and spend more time reading the Bible, too(resolution number seven). Last year I read more of God's Word than I have in a long time so I hope I can at least maintain that in 2008.

We spent all day Monday re-arranging the house. It was fun. I got rid of a ton of clutter and several bags of clothing in the process. We swapped the furniture in our two family rooms and I completely redecorated the basement. We finally put nails in the wall. I am so proud of us. It feels good to be organized again, even if it may be short-lived. I used to know where everything was when there were only four hands to move things in this house. Another goal for 2008; LESS IS MORE.(resolution number eight) I don't want more things, I want the house to be less cluttered and more open to drop in visitors. I love having people over but hate the embarrassment of a cluttered and crazy house. Clutter I can change, the crazy comes with the three members under 6.

I am going to do my part about going green, too. (resolution number nine)I failed miserably in the no paper napkin and paper plate project I started earlier this month. I bought napkins a week after trying to go without. We are going with out paper plates, but only because they haven't been on sale. I really want to use real plates but I think you all know how often the dishes get done around here. We would never eat. (at least that would help with the losing weight goal I have) We have replaced light bulbs in the house with more efficient ones and I try to save energy as much as I can the heater is never past 68 although I cheat and use the fireplace when I my toes are frozen. I use the coffee grounds and egg shells for the garden in the summer. I make a point not to buy so many convenience foods with all that throwaway packaging. We need to work together as a family to not waste so much. This is going to be tough on us. I plan to use recycling and reusing as teaching lessons with my children.

Most importantly, I resolve to be less stressed.(resolution number ten) My family suffers most when I am stressed. I am one of those people who is screaming at her kids when the phone rings and I answer it like I am Mrs. Congeniality. I am going to make a point to not let little things get me. When the milk is spilled, I will say, "oh well, accidents happen". I will not feel guilty about spending all afternoon trying to teach a four year old how to play connect four. I will feel blessed to have a sink full of cold dirty dishes. I will smile more. I will tickle more. I will stop comparing my life to others.

This post is mostly for me, so that I can come back later and see how well or not so well I am doing. I probably won't even remember thinking these things so putting it in print is my 'now you have to follow through with it 'cuz it's in print'. 2008 is gonna be great!

Wordless Wednesday

She pulled this one (all by herself again) out at 8 am yesterday morning. "Now I have something for show and tell!" she said. Today is her first kindergarten show and tell.

she's talking back already...

#3 has started talking. I will coo and she will coo. Then she smiles a huge dorky smile and coos again. The other kids think this is so much fun. Most of the noises are gurgly sound from deep in her throat, but sometimes we hear a bit of her voice. It's pretty amazing. #1 can't wait for her to say dada or mama. I can't believe how fast she is growing. Last night we changed the batteries in both bouncy chairs(again)and now she watches the bubbles and kicks the toy bar. Pretty soon she'll be driving. *sigh*

that's what happens when Satan leaves you...

That's what Pastor said as he was drying #3's head off from the water she was baptized with. She had this great big grin on her face while he was pouring the water on her head. It was a joyful day for all of us. Welcome to God's family baby girl!

She wore the same outfit #1 wore as well as my niece and my Godmother's daughters. We feel blessed to have been able to share it as it is now almost 35 years old and considered an antique. The bonnet is especially beautiful. I wish I had a photo to share.

Thankful Thought for TGIF!

It's 9:26 am.

I spent the last 3 hours getting myself showered, #1 and #2 fed and dressed. Nursed #3 Pushed #1 out the door, while wiping the tears off her face, exactly 4 minutes before the school bell is scheduled to ring. Nursed #3. Ate my cold toast and drank my cold coffee. I have to get better at this morning routine...

Nursing #3 again. #2 is watching PBS. Reading blogs. Friends are going through awful things like watching their mom's die of cancer and struggling with cancer themselves while raising young ones. Trying to be strong for them. I have been on my knees a lot. Feeling thankful for life...

Husband got called into work again. Hospital is a busy place. Have you seen the local news lately? Feeling thankful that I made the choice to stay home...

#3 is GAINING WEIGHT at the average of 1oz. per day! I took her to an appointment yesterday and she is coming along just fine. Feeling thankful for being able to nurse her...

Speaking of nursing. MOO! It is taking more of my time than I remembered. My sister gave me an awesome baby sling to hold #3 in, but she is just a tiny peanut, so I bought a hotsling off ebay.
Feeling thankful for overdraft protection...

Wondering if, by the looks of the bank account, choosing to stay home was the right option? I hate what money does to us. It is so hard to come out ahead. We scraped up the last of our savings and bought yet another commuter car. Hopefully, filling up only once a week will help some of the overdraft problems (If dh can keep this one from crashing into deer and other vehicles). Feeling thankful for people who sell good vehicles privately for no profit whatsoever enabling us to maybe save some cash buy not filling up so often...

Nursing #3 saves us a ton in formula bills. Thinking about cloth diapers, but I am not sure where to start. It is a little cost to set yourself up and she is still in newborn size for the moment. Once her weight evens out maybe I can get a few in one size and try them out. If she didn't poo every other hour, we might be able to get in the black. ...excuse me for a moment...here is a tip for ya...rub that Vaseline all over her bum when you change her so you are not forever wiping at that sticky poo! Aren't you glad I shared? Feeling thankful I have a healthy pooing baby, even if it costs me an arm and a leg to diaper her...

The hair is back in full force. It is sort of wavy, but not beautiful wavy, annoying wavy. I dislike it greatly. I always said I wanted hair with flair, but this is not what I had in mind. I want my straight hair back. I am trying to tame it with headbands, barrettes, and YES even the curling iron. It is not working. I am dreadfully unsuccessful. I am sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I get 3.5 seconds to work with it and I am using the same curling iron I used in 7th grade.
My dear mommy got me a hair appointment for next week hoping that I can at least trim it to make it look like I am not hair challenged. I am contemplating getting the hats out again. I never had to work to keep the straight stuff looking manageable. This is way out of my comfort zone. Feeling thankful to have hair, even if it looks like I stuck my finger in a light socket...

Prenatal Vitamins ROCK! I had to get my hemoglobin checked yesterday and I passed. I was sweating this one. I have been living off of cold toast, coffee and cereal and whatever I can grab to put in my mouth while I am nursing. My goal for next month is to eat better. Fruits and veggies have all but disappeared from my fridge. I cannot believe how much I miss not being able to run up to the store and get a few things. I need to work on time management as well as eating healthy. Feeling thankful for the people who manufacture vitamins...

Exhaustion is mounting. I am trying to lie down during the day, but something always comes up. Need to add GET MORE SLEEP to my goals. #3 eats more often at night than during the day. I pump during the day, but I am too tired to get up for a bottle so I just nurse her at night. Every 2-3 hours I am up again. I am so glad my other children are good sleepers. I did squeak an hour nap out yesterday and man it was good. Feeling thankful for sleep, when I can get it...

Thanksgiving is next week. I haven't thought about it much. Don't even know where we are going to have the big meal. I have yet to plan an baptism, a birthday party for #2, and start thinking of Christmas. I think this may be the year that the lights don't go up, the presents don't get bought in time yet alone get wrapped. I think we will be wishing Baby Jesus a happy birthday without any of the extras this year. Feeling thankful for the birth of a Savior...

Gotta switch boobs... I mean breasts. #2 knows that boob is a slang word and corrects me every time. Only he says it like this,"you mean, bweastses, mom, we don't say boobs."

Happy Friday!

missing...one tooth

and she did it all by herself,

and school starts next week,

I might as well be planning her wedding....sniff, sniff

Lemon sniffing anyone?

If you had asked me yesterday if I ever got morning sickness, I would have told you no. Never, with any of my preganancies. BUT, every late afternoon I feel ill and really thirsty and like I could sleep for 20 hours or so. So I broke one of my tmi (toomuchinformation) rules and went to the www for help. Guess what?

• Morning sickness can occur at any time of the day, though it occurs most often upon waking, because blood sugar levels are typically the most depressed after a night without food.

I guess I need to eat a bigger lunch or an afternoon snack. Good thing I have a bit of Zofran left! (I promise I'll ask first)

Treatments for morning sickness typically aim to lessen the symptoms of nausea, rather than attacking the root cause(s) of the nausea. Treatments include:
* Avoiding an empty stomach.
* Eating five or six small meals per day, rather than three large ones.
* Ginger, in capsules, tea, ginger ale, ginger beer or ginger snaps
* Vitamin B6 (either pyridoxine or pyridoxamine), often taken in combination with the antihistamine doxylamine (Diclectin®).
* Lemons, particularly the smelling of freshly cut lemons.
* Accommodating food cravings and aversions.
* Eating dry crackers in the morning.
* Trying the BRATT diet: bananas, rice, applesauce, toast and tea.
* Drinking liquids 30 to 45 minutes after eating solid food.
A doctor may prescribe anti-nausea medications if the expectant mother suffers from dehydration or malnutrition as a result of her morning sickness, a condition known as hyperemesis gravidarum. In the US, Zofran (ondansetron) is the usual drug of choice, though the high cost is prohibitive for some women; in the UK, older drugs with which there is a greater experience of use in pregnancy are preferred, with first choice being promethazine otherwise as second choice metoclopramide, or prochlorperazine.

Is it Monday, already?

Of course I started working again for a bit so...

the cat has worms

ds has a fever

the house is in disarray

there are no groceries

I gave cash as a birthday gift

my back aches

supper is late

it is raining every day

I am behind on my emails

I have no idea what we are having for supper tomorrow

I don't even know what time I will be home tomorrow

I am a bit overwhelmed and I can't sleep.

Is that a run-on sentence?

"Enjoy your last day of freedom," she said

and we both giggled. Tomorrow I begin a 13 week subbing position for a friend. She had asked me months ago when she was barely showing and now she has a basketball under her shirt and only 13 days to go. I thought about what she said about freedom and how the life of a SAHM is so often referred to as 'easy'. Little does she know that I am actually yearning for 13 weeks of scheduled "normalcy". She said it best in her letter to her families about me filling in for her."Even though she classifies herself as stay at home, I believe she is busier now than ever. She runs local community groups, substitutes, and also fills in at the local daycare. "I think this job will be like therapy for me. I get to feel professional again, earn a little bit for the pocketbook and do what I love to do; work with children and families. It will be nice to concentrate on one thing for the next three months instead of several. I can't wait.

This afternoon I have a doctor's appointment with my oncologist. Things are going well. In fact, we have rescheduled the PET scan for a later date because of how miraculously well I am doing. I may be busy these next few months and not blogging as much, but I am sure I won't be able to stay away from it for very long, and I will keep everyone updated on my health for sure.

Now that I have been thinking more about it, I am sure my friend is the one who should be enjoying her last two weeks of freedom, she is going to have to get used to a new little 'boss' running the show...