Wednesday, February 22, 2017


The hardest part, so far, has been the actual telling. I mean who do you tell? Family, close friends, church members, relatives, co-workers... does it really matter?

Tonight I told my massage therapist. I figured she needed to know. She took it harder than I thought. That told me I must be getting conditioned to it. There's nothing you can do to make it easier. I just believe in honesty. It's always better to tell the truth.

I tell people my life story pretty much the first time I meet them. This will just be another page. Maybe even a chapter. We will have to wait and see...

Thursday, February 16, 2017

And MY side effects thus far...

I'm hungry. Not hungry but HUNGRY. Like my body is shaking because I need food.

I'm hot and achy. My neck is tender. I have a a tension head ache.

I am cold, like shivering cold, like I need a blanket and a coat on kind of cold and it's 50 degrees out.

I am not only not hungry but to even try to put food near my mouth or my nose makes me want to vomit.

But the one thing that is consistent is the crying. I cry. I cry myself to sleep. I cry in the shower, I cry in the car. I cry in the classroom. I cried in conferences. I cried on the phone. I cry. I just can't get a hold of my emotions. That will be annoying.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Note to self

Don't blog at 3 am. I have no idea what happened to my text color and backgound. Can't even begin to read the html code to fix it, sorry.

Tonight I have a date with my sleeping pill again.

Lesson learned.

Side Effects

I took my first dose of 1000mg methlypredisolone this morning. Along with 18 supplements mostly thanks to my dear mother. I love you, mom.
I think we can safely say that insomnia is most definitely a side effect. I have slept only a couple of hours tonight. I forgot to ask if I could also take my sleeping pill along with this medication. I will probably remember that next time.Because this is exactly why I shouldn't "surf" at 2 am...

According to these are the known drug interactions.

hepatic function abnormal

gastrointestinal haemorrhage
acute respiratory distress syndrome
loss of consciousness
renal impairment

Yikes,I think I'll watch some PureFlix  instead. Say a prayer that I don't fall asleep working the concession stand tomorrow.Actually I hopped on to this blog to talk about the awesome day I had. I hope that is a side effect as well. The kids helped with household chores and animal chores and then we went for a long walk in the misty rain. It was a nice outing.

     I remember going to this same bridge with my dad and my mom and my siblings.
     Addison said this tree must be a Redwood. You can tell we have family in California.
     They found the largest shells down here near the ice.

    Rock throwing contest. You can see how far because it lands on the ice.

    Ended the day going to church and then having a glass of wine with friends. Couldn't really ask for a better first day of taking my medications for M.S. I feel blessed.

    I don't think I can even bare the thought of googling whether I should have had that glass of red wine. Oops.

    Tomorrow is new day, I hope;)

    Saturday, February 11, 2017

    It's official

    I guess I should start at the beginning. Or the middle. Whatever.

    In 2011 the left side of my face became droopy. My Dr. said it was Bell's Palsy. He ordered an MRI. Which is why I have my baseline. Maybe I knew then but I surely know now there was at least one lesion in my brain at that time. But from everything I have read nobody gets diagnosed with just one lesion. It's called Multiple Sclerosis for a reason.

    Fast forward to the beginning of February. My face was acting up again. This time instead of falling down it was sort of pulling up. It would spasm for a short time and then sort of relax and this went on for a good four or five days. Until it was mostly frozen in a sort of half smile-smirk for the better part of the day, only relaxing in the late afternoon enough for me to not have to pretend I was just smiling all day. It was an odd feeling. No pain, Just tension. Then some numbness like I just had some work done at the dentist and the Novocaine just wasn't worn off. Then one day I was eating my lunch and I bit a chunk out of my cheek. I tasted the blood before I even knew I had done it. That was weird.

    So I decided to get an appointment. Which in itself is a terrible inconvenience. A sub says she can work and then says she can't and then has to write plans from her sub plans for another sub.It gets messy.

    But I did it. Initially he thought it was Trigeminal neuralgia. But the more he listened to my symptoms the more he was perplexed. He went through a battery of tests to see how bad the numbness was. What pain was involved? How was my balance? Then he simply said, well I could put you on a muscle relaxer to stop the discomfort. Because that is what I was calling it. I wasn't in pain. It was just annoying. Or we could do an MRI. Did I need muscle relaxer? Is that the quick fix? Are you sure of the diagnosis? No. Okay, I said let's do the MRI. My husband I a joked it was a pretty expensive test to rule some things out. He listed lots of things it "could" be. A whole list. I didn't really hear anything but tumor. Yes, let's rule that out, please.

    The nurse scheduled an MRI for the next morning so I went in and laid on the cold table did what I had to do. It was quick and painless. Back to work I went. Hoping for results sooner than later. But, by now the face was beginning to look a little more normal again, or I was just getting used to it. I kept asking my friends, does it look swollen? Can you tell if it's crooked?

    Now if you want to read this in sequence you have to read my previous post next. That's what teachers do. We tell you to put the events in sequence. So here it is.

    My second date with the MRI was on the mobile truck and it was much more pleasant. Maybe it was just the nice technicians or the fact that I knew exactly what was happening. Although this one was much longer, almost two hours and I needed to have an iv in for part of it so they could take a look at more specific areas in my brain and my cervical spine.

    There was one sort of funny part.The tech says, what kind of music do you like? I said I like most kinds. Thinking maybe he had a relaxation cd or ocean sounds or something. He kind of surprised me because they didn't even offer me headphones at the hospital only blaze orange ear plugs. So as the table slid in to the magnetic resonance imaging machine on comes the loudest, twangiest country music. I listened to it for almost an hour before, when they moved me to put the iv in, I begged for 96.5. That part was a litle painful.

    So that was late Thursday night. I missed my son's ballgame. I didn't get home till almost 7 from a 3:00 appointment. I was exhausted. Meanwhile I have an appointment to meet with the neurologist at 7:45 the next morning.

    I forgot to mention that during all of this my awesome, strong, better half was suffering from a terrible, icky flu. He even went to acute care to get something to help him through it. He tried to make all the appointments with me but he just wasn't well. My mom volunteered to take me in on Friday morning. Late Thursday, the hubby had to call in sick, he decided it just isn't good practice to have a health care professional take care of you while they are ill. But, it made me feel safe because now he would be able to take me in for the diagnosis appointment and his brain is so much more reliable than mine.

    He loaded up on cough drops, hand sanitizer and filled his pockets with tissue, and off we went.

    The neurologist was all business this time. He showed us the MRI, the MRI with contrast and the baseline MRI from 2011, yes, it was all there. What was there in 2011is bigger now and there are more lesions, And, the most interesting part, the re was plaque in my cheek. He mentioned that is not as common as other places. So it's official.I have M.S.

    They handed my husband a book and some pamphlets and me the tissues. We has a strong feeling it was coming. We had a lot of questions. Primarily,what now?

    Well a compounded dose of some steroids to start with and then a regiment of 3 shots a week, indefinitely. I repeated it to him, indefinitely? He repeated it once again back to me without a flinch.

    All righty then.I have enough reading material to get me through the next several weekends or months.

    He did have some words of knowledge but, of course, I barely remember most of it. It will come back to me someday I hope. I do remember him saying a lot of people have it and you can't even tell. Something about maintaining a pretty good quality of life on these medications.

    But for the present moment this is my life.

    I don't really know how to tell people. It's not like you can see what I have. I'm not afraid of what you might think. I am just not well versed about this disease. But, I know I will be. With the help of my friends and family and some wonderful supplements and vitamins I will be taking this diagnosis for the ride of it's life. My creator had this in mind for me since the moment He made me. I trust him completely even when I can't comprehend what is happening. It's a reminder that I should thank Him because

    Wednesday, February 08, 2017

    Maneuvering the construction zones

    It was about 10 am on a Friday morning and I was in a room with 16 third-graders when my phone rang. I usually put it on silent at school, guess I forgot.

    It was not the news I wanted to hear.

    Even though it was one of the several outcomes that he had told me it might be. I wasn't expecting this one.

    A bout a week ago I found myself on the tray again and put my head in the helmet for the second time in my life. The noises are so annoying. It gives you a terrible headache and even a little nausea. It was quick but not very fun.

    Then I waited. Then I called. Then I waited some more. Then the phone call in the classroom.

    I kept it together. For the most part. I texted my husband. The doctor told me to prepare to miss a few days of work for testing. I decided while the kids were at recess to alert the receptionist that I would be needing some time off for appointments.

    I did pretty well. She came in later when I was alone in the room asked me if I was okay and gave me a hug.

    Then I lost it. I googled it but it was too scary. I called my mom.

    I realized that my life is never boring. There is always something interesting going on. This time its just another part of the plan. I would call it a detour. But I know better. The road isn't always smooth and safe. Sometimes its bumpy and rocky and muddy and slippery. My road is a mess right now.

    It's a good thing I am not the navigator.

    So now I wait. I took some more blood tests. I have another date with the moving tray and the helmet and the noises tomorrow. Then maybe we will get some answers. Maybe?

    If you're reading, I sure could use your prayers.