It's official

I guess I should start at the beginning. Or the middle. Whatever.

In 2011 the left side of my face became droopy. My Dr. said it was Bell's Palsy. He ordered an MRI. Which is why I have my baseline. Maybe I knew then but I surely know now there was at least one lesion in my brain at that time. But from everything I have read nobody gets diagnosed with just one lesion. It's called Multiple Sclerosis for a reason.

Fast forward to the beginning of February. My face was acting up again. This time instead of falling down it was sort of pulling up. It would spasm for a short time and then sort of relax and this went on for a good four or five days. Until it was mostly frozen in a sort of half smile-smirk for the better part of the day, only relaxing in the late afternoon enough for me to not have to pretend I was just smiling all day. It was an odd feeling. No pain, Just tension. Then some numbness like I just had some work done at the dentist and the Novocaine just wasn't worn off. Then one day I was eating my lunch and I bit a chunk out of my cheek. I tasted the blood before I even knew I had done it. That was weird.

So I decided to get an appointment. Which in itself is a terrible inconvenience. A sub says she can work and then says she can't and then has to write plans from her sub plans for another sub.It gets messy.

But I did it. Initially he thought it was Trigeminal neuralgia. But the more he listened to my symptoms the more he was perplexed. He went through a battery of tests to see how bad the numbness was. What pain was involved? How was my balance? Then he simply said, well I could put you on a muscle relaxer to stop the discomfort. Because that is what I was calling it. I wasn't in pain. It was just annoying. Or we could do an MRI. Did I need muscle relaxer? Is that the quick fix? Are you sure of the diagnosis? No. Okay, I said let's do the MRI. My husband I a joked it was a pretty expensive test to rule some things out. He listed lots of things it "could" be. A whole list. I didn't really hear anything but tumor. Yes, let's rule that out, please.

The nurse scheduled an MRI for the next morning so I went in and laid on the cold table did what I had to do. It was quick and painless. Back to work I went. Hoping for results sooner than later. But, by now the face was beginning to look a little more normal again, or I was just getting used to it. I kept asking my friends, does it look swollen? Can you tell if it's crooked?

Now if you want to read this in sequence you have to read my previous post next. That's what teachers do. We tell you to put the events in sequence. So here it is.

My second date with the MRI was on the mobile truck and it was much more pleasant. Maybe it was just the nice technicians or the fact that I knew exactly what was happening. Although this one was much longer, almost two hours and I needed to have an iv in for part of it so they could take a look at more specific areas in my brain and my cervical spine.

There was one sort of funny part.The tech says, what kind of music do you like? I said I like most kinds. Thinking maybe he had a relaxation cd or ocean sounds or something. He kind of surprised me because they didn't even offer me headphones at the hospital only blaze orange ear plugs. So as the table slid in to the magnetic resonance imaging machine on comes the loudest, twangiest country music. I listened to it for almost an hour before, when they moved me to put the iv in, I begged for 96.5. That part was a litle painful.

So that was late Thursday night. I missed my son's ballgame. I didn't get home till almost 7 from a 3:00 appointment. I was exhausted. Meanwhile I have an appointment to meet with the neurologist at 7:45 the next morning.

I forgot to mention that during all of this my awesome, strong, better half was suffering from a terrible, icky flu. He even went to acute care to get something to help him through it. He tried to make all the appointments with me but he just wasn't well. My mom volunteered to take me in on Friday morning. Late Thursday, the hubby had to call in sick, he decided it just isn't good practice to have a health care professional take care of you while they are ill. But, it made me feel safe because now he would be able to take me in for the diagnosis appointment and his brain is so much more reliable than mine.

He loaded up on cough drops, hand sanitizer and filled his pockets with tissue, and off we went.

The neurologist was all business this time. He showed us the MRI, the MRI with contrast and the baseline MRI from 2011, yes, it was all there. What was there in 2011is bigger now and there are more lesions, And, the most interesting part, the re was plaque in my cheek. He mentioned that is not as common as other places. So it's official.I have M.S.

They handed my husband a book and some pamphlets and me the tissues. We has a strong feeling it was coming. We had a lot of questions. Primarily,what now?

Well a compounded dose of some steroids to start with and then a regiment of 3 shots a week, indefinitely. I repeated it to him, indefinitely? He repeated it once again back to me without a flinch.

All righty then.I have enough reading material to get me through the next several weekends or months.

He did have some words of knowledge but, of course, I barely remember most of it. It will come back to me someday I hope. I do remember him saying a lot of people have it and you can't even tell. Something about maintaining a pretty good quality of life on these medications.

But for the present moment this is my life.

I don't really know how to tell people. It's not like you can see what I have. I'm not afraid of what you might think. I am just not well versed about this disease. But, I know I will be. With the help of my friends and family and some wonderful supplements and vitamins I will be taking this diagnosis for the ride of it's life. My creator had this in mind for me since the moment He made me. I trust him completely even when I can't comprehend what is happening. It's a reminder that I should thank Him because

Attention to details

I subbed Monday afternoon in my daughters classroom. It was a rainy, wet day and my new hair is curly and wild when it's damp so I wore it up. My new hair is actually pretty grayish after chemo, too. I try to color it from a box every couple of months to keep it fresh looking. Today when I went, again, to the first grade classroom (this time to help with a project) I wore my hair down and one of those adorable little children said, "Hey, Mrs. Gordon, you are different today, because your hair was dark and now it's orange."

I was kinda going for auburn, but, hey at least the kid noticed. My husband can't even see the difference.

Mr. Mom (and oh my it's been awhile since I've posted)

Alas, my friends. The moon has turned ago many too times, Ay, I have neglected to post. Parting has been no sweet sorrow. The calling of myself and my employment has left my plate too heavily burdened to accomplish much ado about anything else.

The sophomores are studying William Shakespeare. Did you know that there are only 5 known authentic signatures of the man and each is worth 5 million dollars? That's something to put on your thrift list. I would research it first, though, because I would never have guessed his signature read his name it looks more like chicken scratch. Believe or not I learned this from my husband who is currently reading the kids encyclopedia.

Last week at a Horizons committee meeting I told the school superintendent that I would like to be put back on the sub list. I've been at the school three days this week. Guess the education market is pretty solid.

My husband and I had the discussion about me subbing back in August when he had to make a decision to take the weekend job or not. We determined, together, that is would be good for both of us. I would 'get out' per say and we wouldn't need childcare for the day as he would be home. I am not sure he realized what he was getting himself into. Luckily the Lord planned for us to be weaned into it.

The first day I was scheduled to sub, the weather got nasty real fast and I only had to be away for an hour. The second day was pretty tough on all of us. When I was able to find a free moment to come home and feed her she was in her daddy's arms screaming while Addison was taking the aluminum cans out of the recycle bin and playing kick the can in the kitchen. Dad had his hands full. We had planned to attend a basketball game that evening but by 730 pm we were all snoozing on the couches and chairs in the living room.

Yesterday went much better. I was able to come home and pump during a prep period. When I arrived home the living room and kitchen were neat and tidy, the dishes were done and the girls were both sleeping soundly. Dad (aka Mr. Mom) was just sitting down to a hot egg sandwich and a steaming cup of java.

I have to be honest and tell ya, at that moment I was more in love with him than I have ever been before. I sat at the table and had an adult conversation with him about something and it was perhaps the most enjoyable moment of our entire married lives as of yet. What kind of man can do all the things a man usually does (ie outside chores and mr fixit) and can still maintain a house? I am the happiest girl in the world. So what if the poor bloke used laundry detergent in the softener dispenser and didn't know whose sock was whose. Oh, and he learned the hard way that diapers go on immediately after the bath. Thank goodness for solid toddler poopies! This morning Gavin came out of the bathroom and said, matter of factly, to his father, "Dad, this bathroom needs to be cleaned, too." You can add bathroom cleaning to his list of mastered household duties. I am telling you he must be ill, and I hope it's chronic and contagious.

School was late this morning, it is currently something like 25 degrees below zero. During the breakfast routine dad starting speaking in another language. I think his exact words were, "Do we have any other kind of cleaner? That bleach is really hard on my hands." I almost choked on my eggs.

The kids had time to play this morning together before the day had drained their politeness and made them baby lions and tigers. Maleah set up her 'throne' in the hallway and gave specific instructions that in her absence (school) Addison would be the replacement and we had to obey her every command.

So, it's gonna be a pretty normal day around here I think.

Stay warm!

why I don't drink enough water

630 am get up and get myself ready

715 am get crying baby out of crib and get her breakfast

730 am wake preschooler and first grader for breakfast

800 am check clothes, hair, backpack of first grader for the day

815 am send first grader out the door for the three block walk to school

830 am get preschooler and baby dressed for day

850 am take preschooler and baby to daycare

905 am go to sub job

1030 am done with morning sub class

1040 am pick up preschooler and baby from daycare

1100 am prepare lunch for preschooler and baby

1215 pm take preschooler to preschool

120 pm take baby to daycare

130 pm go to sub job

300 pm pick up preschooler from preschool

310 pm pick up baby from daycare

330 pm first grader arrives home from school

345 pm prepare snacks for first grader, preschooler and baby

530 pm prepare supper for first grader, preschooler and baby

700 pm help first grader do homework, pick out clothes for tomorrow, bathe if necessary

800 pm put baby to sleep

830 pm put preschooler and first grader to sleep

835 pm crawl into bed and pass out

10pm, 12am, 2am, 4am, 6am approximate times to hobble to the restroom or get up with baby

Last week of fulltime work for awhile

Things I will miss:

networking with other home visitors, fss's, and program supervisors as well as all the cool support staff who were so kind to me
seeing the smiling faces of the kids when I arrive at their home for a visit (and their parents, too!)
PALS events with the whole families
the Centerville Bakery:)!!!! (baby likes donuts)
listening to my favorite radio station while driving, I just don't turn it on at home
viewing the gorgeous countryside while the sun is rising or setting
touring beautiful Turner County

Things I won't miss:

dogs the size of elephants
driving in the snow/rain/hail
answering voicemail's and rescheduling visits
the paperwork :) he he he
outdoor visits with gnats
having to remove my earrings for baby visits (don't mess with my jewelry :))
getting lost in Turner County

This week I learned...

do not plan an outside activity - it will snow

do not drink three cups of coffee and expect to make it through 3 hours of home visits without stopping at a convenience store to use the restroom

do not think you will not have to run out to the car, in the snow, at least once to get something you have forgotten

do not bring only 3 sheets of paper per child for a free painting project as you will run out the first day

do not use the flannelboard unless you have a lint roller present as every family has a pet that sheds

do not leave your lights on overnight - oops

do not forget to fill up with gas before you go home as there is no gas station within a 10 mile radius

do not try to make phone calls or listen to voice mails unless there are at least 3 bars present

hope that you learn from your mistakes the first week :)

Is it Monday, already?

Of course I started working again for a bit so...

the cat has worms

ds has a fever

the house is in disarray

there are no groceries

I gave cash as a birthday gift

my back aches

supper is late

it is raining every day

I am behind on my emails

I have no idea what we are having for supper tomorrow

I don't even know what time I will be home tomorrow

I am a bit overwhelmed and I can't sleep.

Is that a run-on sentence?

my dh does it and unfortunately so do I

He does it when I am typing. He does it when I am cooking. He does it when I put the dishes away. He even does it when I am getting the children dressed. It drives me bananas. It aggravates me so bad that I want to scream. I would never do it.

Just the other day in a computer classroom one of the students said, "Mrs. Rani, you are hovering. Please stop, it makes me nervous." WHAT? I don't hover, my DH does. I hate that feeling that someone is always watching me. I can't know what they are thinking but I always imagine the worst. I misspelled a word. I put 4 tablespoons of yeast in the bread instead of teaspoons, I put the Tupperware in the pantry and which foot goes in this shoe anyway?

I can't believe I hover. I apologize. It was an accident. I didn't mean to do it. What? I do it all the time? Really? Are you sure? Note to self. Stop hovering.

a day in the life...

So you think I am at home eating bon bon's?

11:43 pm last night - finally hit the sheets
7:04 am this morning - woke up and checked email (it's an addiction)
7:15 am ds wanted "pizza" for breakfast
7:23 am remembered store was out of 1/2 n 1/2 so coffee will be black this am
7:25 remembered don't like black coffee, store not open until after 8 LOL
7:33 helped ds open sausage and 'help cook with mom'
7:35 surfed web for Jimmy Dean breakfast pizza recipe I swore I had in recipe box
7:36 ran upstairs to sound of chair being pushed up to counter with microwave by ds
7:55 put breakfast pizza in the oven
8:20 fed family breakfast - yeah dad is home today so he can help with cleanup
8:45 remembered need to wear camo to school to sub this afternoon, checked school website announcements; realized potluck also today
8:55 inventoried whole pantry and fridge to find something to make for potluck
9:15 threw together taco dip and bacon dip for potluck
9:30 jumped in shower
9:45 found something camo to wear in honor of teacher being called to Iraq
10:10 went to store for chips for taco dip, forgot 1/2 and 1/2 for coffee
10:25 arrived at school with potluck items
10:45-3:30 subbed at school
3:35 dropped off borrowed book at daycare
3:40 checked mail
3:45 came home, hugged kids, checked email
4:30 phone call friend
5:00 tried to watch news with dh
5:30 made quick supper for family, contemplated going to home ballgame
6:15 dh left for work
6:30 phone call for volunteer committee
6:45 phone call for volunteer committee
7:00 helped kids fold laundry
7:30 computer work for volunteer committee
8:00 started getting kids ready for bed
8:30 continued getting kids ready for bed
9:00 finally got kids in their beds
9:15 rubbed backs... going potty again...
9:30 read blogs of friends and did a quick post of my own
9:50 ready to brush teeth and hit the sheets

Ghosts and Goblins and 8th Graders...OH MY!

Sunday night was the community Halloween party and I spend most of my time convincing my 3 year old that masks are just for pretend. Needless to say, neither one of my children participated in anything other than the free meal. Maybe next year.

I spent some time getting my groove on with the toddlers at daycare this morning. It was the most exercise I have had in several months. I was sweating to the freeze song and kids in motion. Yesterday was near 70 degrees and this morning was gorgeous but as I left the daycare and walked to the school to sub for junior high the weather was a changing and I should have known it was a sign...

The room was hot enough to boil water and the kids were bouncing off the walls because that's what they do when a sub comes. I had a bit of trouble switching gears and lost some time trying to get my sub face on, I ended up bribing them with some Halloween origami which, in the end, proved to be fruitless because it was too difficult for all of us. I laughed when an 8th grade boy asked me to help him. I don't have enough patience for reading the newspaper, let alone folding a tiny square into some sort of scary creature...

Junior high is a ruthless world. It is a time when nobody really fits in and everyone is trying so desperately to find themselves. The boys are constantly picking on each other and competing for the crown of class clown so they can have people at least accept them for being funny. The girls are experimenting with makeup and clothing while their bodies are changing faster than the a chocolate bar lasts at my house. I wouldn't want to relive those couple of years for anything. It is an entirely different experience being a junior high substitute. Not for the faint at heart or the soft spoken, but I made it until 3:25. Whew!