It's official

I guess I should start at the beginning. Or the middle. Whatever.

In 2011 the left side of my face became droopy. My Dr. said it was Bell's Palsy. He ordered an MRI. Which is why I have my baseline. Maybe I knew then but I surely know now there was at least one lesion in my brain at that time. But from everything I have read nobody gets diagnosed with just one lesion. It's called Multiple Sclerosis for a reason.

Fast forward to the beginning of February. My face was acting up again. This time instead of falling down it was sort of pulling up. It would spasm for a short time and then sort of relax and this went on for a good four or five days. Until it was mostly frozen in a sort of half smile-smirk for the better part of the day, only relaxing in the late afternoon enough for me to not have to pretend I was just smiling all day. It was an odd feeling. No pain, Just tension. Then some numbness like I just had some work done at the dentist and the Novocaine just wasn't worn off. Then one day I was eating my lunch and I bit a chunk out of my cheek. I tasted the blood before I even knew I had done it. That was weird.

So I decided to get an appointment. Which in itself is a terrible inconvenience. A sub says she can work and then says she can't and then has to write plans from her sub plans for another sub.It gets messy.

But I did it. Initially he thought it was Trigeminal neuralgia. But the more he listened to my symptoms the more he was perplexed. He went through a battery of tests to see how bad the numbness was. What pain was involved? How was my balance? Then he simply said, well I could put you on a muscle relaxer to stop the discomfort. Because that is what I was calling it. I wasn't in pain. It was just annoying. Or we could do an MRI. Did I need muscle relaxer? Is that the quick fix? Are you sure of the diagnosis? No. Okay, I said let's do the MRI. My husband I a joked it was a pretty expensive test to rule some things out. He listed lots of things it "could" be. A whole list. I didn't really hear anything but tumor. Yes, let's rule that out, please.

The nurse scheduled an MRI for the next morning so I went in and laid on the cold table did what I had to do. It was quick and painless. Back to work I went. Hoping for results sooner than later. But, by now the face was beginning to look a little more normal again, or I was just getting used to it. I kept asking my friends, does it look swollen? Can you tell if it's crooked?

Now if you want to read this in sequence you have to read my previous post next. That's what teachers do. We tell you to put the events in sequence. So here it is.

My second date with the MRI was on the mobile truck and it was much more pleasant. Maybe it was just the nice technicians or the fact that I knew exactly what was happening. Although this one was much longer, almost two hours and I needed to have an iv in for part of it so they could take a look at more specific areas in my brain and my cervical spine.

There was one sort of funny part.The tech says, what kind of music do you like? I said I like most kinds. Thinking maybe he had a relaxation cd or ocean sounds or something. He kind of surprised me because they didn't even offer me headphones at the hospital only blaze orange ear plugs. So as the table slid in to the magnetic resonance imaging machine on comes the loudest, twangiest country music. I listened to it for almost an hour before, when they moved me to put the iv in, I begged for 96.5. That part was a litle painful.

So that was late Thursday night. I missed my son's ballgame. I didn't get home till almost 7 from a 3:00 appointment. I was exhausted. Meanwhile I have an appointment to meet with the neurologist at 7:45 the next morning.

I forgot to mention that during all of this my awesome, strong, better half was suffering from a terrible, icky flu. He even went to acute care to get something to help him through it. He tried to make all the appointments with me but he just wasn't well. My mom volunteered to take me in on Friday morning. Late Thursday, the hubby had to call in sick, he decided it just isn't good practice to have a health care professional take care of you while they are ill. But, it made me feel safe because now he would be able to take me in for the diagnosis appointment and his brain is so much more reliable than mine.

He loaded up on cough drops, hand sanitizer and filled his pockets with tissue, and off we went.

The neurologist was all business this time. He showed us the MRI, the MRI with contrast and the baseline MRI from 2011, yes, it was all there. What was there in 2011is bigger now and there are more lesions, And, the most interesting part, the re was plaque in my cheek. He mentioned that is not as common as other places. So it's official.I have M.S.

They handed my husband a book and some pamphlets and me the tissues. We has a strong feeling it was coming. We had a lot of questions. Primarily,what now?

Well a compounded dose of some steroids to start with and then a regiment of 3 shots a week, indefinitely. I repeated it to him, indefinitely? He repeated it once again back to me without a flinch.

All righty then.I have enough reading material to get me through the next several weekends or months.

He did have some words of knowledge but, of course, I barely remember most of it. It will come back to me someday I hope. I do remember him saying a lot of people have it and you can't even tell. Something about maintaining a pretty good quality of life on these medications.

But for the present moment this is my life.

I don't really know how to tell people. It's not like you can see what I have. I'm not afraid of what you might think. I am just not well versed about this disease. But, I know I will be. With the help of my friends and family and some wonderful supplements and vitamins I will be taking this diagnosis for the ride of it's life. My creator had this in mind for me since the moment He made me. I trust him completely even when I can't comprehend what is happening. It's a reminder that I should thank Him because

Fifty-seven

That's how old he would be today. He, being my father. It's been over 16 years since his death. Odd, since sometimes I can remember him as clearly as it was yesterday.

When I am slicing a potato and I choose one piece and salt it and pop it in my mouth it reminds me of my dad making potato soup in the kitchen. He would share a whole potato with me while he stirred the pot on the antique teal gas stove.

When I drive the gravel road west of my mom's place and see the trees I think of cutting wood with my dad. He used to drive the little white datsun and I would take my sled and fill it up with the wood and pull it to the pickup.

Faintly, I remember him holding by my arms and swinging me and feeling the rough scrub of his whiskers on my face.

Teaching me to drive the datsun in the driveway is a vivid memory. I drove it right into the telephone pole. I still cannot figure out a stick shift. He still let me take it out on the road, though. He used to say look as far as you can into the horizon and just keep the car in the center.

Visiting dad on the job site was a treat. Watching him walk on his stilts with ease...it was amazing. I used to think he was magic. Once, he wore stilts in the homecoming parade.

I remember the sound of the saw. The smell of the sawdust. My dad's fingers smoothing the piece of wood and blowing the dust away. Sometimes I can still smell him. He was always building something. The barn was his workshop. We would swing from the long ropes into the piles of hay bales while he worked.

I remember his stories about going to high school in Los Angeles with famous people. I remember him telling me how much he loved to sneak in after school and run around the track until his sides hurt and then he would lift his arms and keep running until the pain went away. Now, as I type this, I wonder why my father spent so much time running at the track instead of going home.

I remember the first time I saw him cry. It was at his mom's funeral. We were in the middle of nowhere. I remember the dark parlour and the casket, I was too small to see in it. I remember him sobbing in my mom's embrace. I remember driving for a long time to see his step father.

Lots of memories. I remember him telling me"two fingers" while I poured the canadian whiskey into the glass and then added the coke and later in his life the pepsi. This was our morning ritual. As soon as I was old enough to reach the liquor cabinet I was hired as bartender. At the time it was a great honor, looking back it is sad.

I remember late at night lying on the floor listening through the vents to mom and dad fighting about money and his drinking.

I remember the year he got his big promotion and we got blue cross blue shield. Dad worked away from home for three weeks and then he was home for a few days. He was building a shopping malls. He even built some stores in the empire mall in Sioux Falls. It was wonderful to see my mom happy about being able to pay some debt and get some of us to the dentist and the eye doctor. I can't believe I never thought about how lonely it would be for her. I am lonely when my husband has three 12 hour shifts in a row.

Later as his addiction worsened the memories become dark and sad. I don't like thinking about those.

There is so much that I would love to share with my dad. My wedding, my first home purchase, little projects he and Ryan could have worked on together. The birth of my children. I wonder what his relationship with my kids could be like... if he had stopped drinking.

I watched him once, pour a whole cup of hot coffee in his lap. He thought he was drinking it. I watched his eyes turn yellow and his skin shrivel up. At forty something years old he looked like he was eighty. Yucky, awful memories I don't want to think about.

Every September 8th I am reminded of his life. Regardless of the choices he made he was my father. I would not be who I am without him. Happy Birthday Daddy! I can hardly wait to see you again.

Dingle

That was my verification word as I commented on another blog this morning. I laughed out loud.

I LOVE words. I love how they can make you feel a certain way or think differently. For example if the word was dangle instead of dingle it would not have made me laugh out loud, it would have made me think of fancy jewelry and my favorite earrings that I have not worn in forever.

But, the word was dingle. Which is only a difference of one vowel, but brings to mind an entirely different frame of reference, huh?

I can't help but think that dingle is my word for the week.

We have been battling the snot something fierce this week. It is more than simple snot, it's the snot that sticks like glue to everything and you would only know that if you have snotty toddlers. We all have it, though. It is not age specific and it is gender neutral. Even dad is suffering. My ears pop and sizzle every time I blow my nose which is often.

Anyway, my hearing is off my throat hurts and I haven't grocery shopped in over a week. We are in prime form here at the house. Currently the vic's is in the humidifyer, which I always mistakenly call the hydrater, masking the burnt pie crust smell I so masterfully perfumed the house with when I tried to bake the extra pie crust from my chicken pot pie into cinnamon sugar cookies and forgot about them. It's really cold out, by the way, especially when you have the windows and doors open releasing smoke.

The girls pried open the last orange this morning and have sticky orange snotty fingerprinted the entire upper level. They don't eat the seeds though, the proof in on the bottom of my socks.

Dad told the girls to go play hide and seek and the next thing he knew they were both sitting in the bathroom sink. He asked Addi what she was doing and she plainly said, "hide and sink, daddy". I think the snot has invaded everyone's ears, too.

It's just sort of a dingle kind of day, week, probably even month, if you know what I mean...

A little behind

Yes, I am still reading the Twilight series.

I am stuck in #3 and can't get past it. It's not really my genre, but I am trying.

Yes, I have new recipes to share, but first I have to take care of the 5468 cucumbers, 752 peppers and a handful of tomatoes, broccoli and zucchini that my garden insists on producing. I absolutely cannot stand veggie abortions.

Ryan's birthday is Saturday, I have to find a sitter so I can take him out for some seafood.

I have THREE birthdays to plan for in October, plus one niece one best friend and college roomie and one sister in law. Gavin is 6 on the 8th, Nora will be 1 on the 15th and Addi is 2 on the 25th.

I am trying to keep up the pace, but I feel one step or actually about a hundred steps behind.

Hope you are keeping up!

Seven loves...

I'm in. Tagged by my lovely blog girlfriend Karen...

Seven things I love;

1) surprises - yep I am all for not knowing what the sex of the baby is, surprise parties, surprise get out of the house days, surprise naps...if you want to visit just stop on by and surprise me - I get too stressed out trying to plan the perfect time

2)shoes - I have too many, but I love them all, slippers, boots, flip-flops, heels- I am an equal opportunity shoe buyer and that probably goes for purses, too and books and earrings and...

3)singing - I love to sing. I am always making up songs for the kiddos or humming an old tune, I have a really good poopy song I'll share with you all someday, I know you just can't wait for it

4)reading/learning - I read everything, the cereal box, the shampoo bottle, the school calendar, the paper, blogs, books, and the Bible - I should say I love vocabulary, it's the words that get me and learning - I could go back to school in minute, I love learning new things, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up

5)cooking/baking/canning - I really think it takes my stress away to work in the kitchen I love it more than I ever thought I would. I don't know what I like better, hearing the kids say,"mmmmmm" after I throw together a new recipe or looking at my cabinets full of beautiful jars... now the mess/clean up is a totally different story

6)chocolate - milk, dark, semisweet it don't matter I wuv it all

7)my awesome God - singing and praising and praying and thanking Him for his grace and mercy on my poor, miserable, sinful, life - AMEN

I am live.

Okay friends, family and faithful blog readers.

I am now a writer, officially.

I would appreciate your support by clicking on my webpage. Every time you click on my page or comment on my articles I get credit. With enough credit I get paid and I can buy milk!

Yeah, milk!

So, you know, please bookmark my page and check it often. I will be posting at least three times a week. Thanks again for all your support:)

Thanks Karen for lighting a fire under me about this. I am excited to get started.

Merry, Happy, Seasons, Christmas, Holiday, Greetings

‘Twas a few weeks before Christmas and in our shrinking home everything was noisy, even the phone. Amid the chaos I sat, here, in my chair with the newest member of our family, Nora, and her head of dark hair. We were once again blessed on that 15th of October. When she arrived there were lots of arms waiting to hug and hold her.
If you follow the trail of crumbs and toys from one room to another and listen for noise, you are sure to find little big sister Addison who (in that increasingly popular month of October) this year turned one. Addi loves to hold Nora and lick the poor baby’s head with her tongue. Adorable Addi is active and keeps up all busy with her dancing and running and spinning until she’s dizzy. She LOVES to be outside or in her daddy’s arms.Her next favorite spot is the high chair where she sounds the alarm.
Gavin, our one and only son (who turned five in that same scary month) is now completely outnumbered by 3:1. Recently he lost his first tooth. He’s been saying for months he’s a big boy and now he’s got proof! He can’t wait for kindergarten and is forever asking how long and when will it finally be happening. Walking the fields with dad and Shiloh (our dog) hunting for pheasants keeps him occupied. He’s learning to spell words and keep his shoes tied. He LOVES playing computer games and play station, too. When he plays baseball his true colors shine through.
Our oldest, Maleah, this year turns seven. She LOVES first grade, writing and the number 11(really!). She plays house with her sister and school with her brother. More often she can be found helping her mother. She enjoys a big family and lots of friends and yet keeps fervently begging her parents for a pet. She can regularly be found in her room reading a book and we’ve noticed her forming opinions about her own style and look!
The hospital gives dad plenty of work through the year. He often flies with the transport team if the weather is clear. This spring we were able to fly to Hawaii. It was lovely on that island of Kauai. We visited my brother Lucas and saw a monk seal. It is difficult now to believe it was real. We witnessed some amazing pieces of God’s beautiful earth. Yet, nothing compares to the Son of God’s birth.

Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us. Matthew 1:23

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
May it be filled with love.

It's okay...my letter to the editor

One of my favorite pieces of children’s literature I actually first read when I was an adult. The Okay Book was written by Todd Parr and embraces all kinds of human differences. His words speak to children about acceptance of everyone even those people who have freckles or wear two different kinds of socks. The world is a diverse place but there is room for all of us, every one.

Diversity probably isn’t the first word that comes to mind when you think of our little village. But, I believe my town has a wonderful mosaic of people with a treasure chest of awesome talents.

Through my recent experience with the Horizons group I have come to realize that we have some amazing people who call this place home. I am not just talking about the successful, educated professionals, either. I know that our poverty level is only judged by our pocket books, because we are rich in quality of life.

This little corner of the universe can certainly count it’s blessings; there’s the store owner who spends more time at the store than she does at home, the mechanic who (if you ask him to) will pick up your car at your home to service it, the busy farmer who (on his way home from a 12 hour day) will stop long enough to scoop out your driveway, the beauty salon that cuts hair way past my bedtime, the cafe that doubles as a provider of hot meals to those of us who can’t get up or out to feed ourselves, and the list goes on and on. Our community not only supports an elementary school and a high school, but a preschool, child care center, swimming pool, city park and campground, two ball fields and a watering hole. How many other communities with a similar population can say the same?

The outpouring of kindness and generosity that my family experienced during my recent illness is hard to describe in words. Not a day goes by without an encouraging word from someone, not to mention the countless amounts of meals, care and financial support that came for us with perfect miraculous timing. This is an excellent example of the richness that is found in our community. Genuine care and compassion is just another normal day in the life here in my town.

It goes without saying that I have a tremendous amount of appreciation for every single unique person in this community. Collectively we form a beautiful, special life for each other. I joyfully celebrate the love that my neighbor has for me. I make every effort to teach my children that same unconditional love, which isn’t too difficult because all they have to do is call this town home.

I failed cheerleading tryouts in the 7^th grade, but that can’t stop me from shouting from the top of my roof. “I LOVE MY TOWN!”. You may even see me do a cartwheel or a somersault. (I would if I could) This is the best little village in the whole wide world. All our unique talents and character traits make up one enormous and wonderfully magnificent collage. It wouldn’t be the same without your piece. Kindness is beautiful, isn’t it?

this is my kinda fun...

Okay, I read a lot of blogs. In fact, blog reading has replaced most of my other reading altogether.

But, I still love to write. I used to journal everyday. Now I blog every once in awhile.

There are some really great writers out there. I love to read their stuff.

This is my new, favorite for the moment, blog from an mommy who also loves to write. Today's post is a story that her child wrote. She has recipes, craft ideas, she even has writing contests. I entered. You should, too.

Click on the link to find out all the rules and the topic for this month. HAPPY WRITING and READING!

November's Write-Away Contest

UPDATE: I just was reading her archives and she has COOL crafts for all you crafting sisters out there...you have to click on her craft tag to see the old posts...knitting, book and placemat purses, beading, you name it...