Saturday, December 10, 2005
Confession: I am addicted to the internet. I think deep inside my heart I knew this to be true. But recently on a trip to do some Christmas shopping, I was shocked by my symptoms of withdrawal. We had spent all night driving to the Twin Cities in MN and after a few hours of sleep we shopped for 12 hours. Trying to sleep that night was difficult, even with the extreme shopping induced fatigue. I kept thinking of email and the internet. At 6 am, the house was quiet,. I showered, made coffee, read the advertisements and tried to avoid the computer beckoning me, softly but insistently. Finally, after almost an hour of struggling with my inner internet soul, I ventured into the office of my sister-in-law's home. The beautiful charcoal black monitor was softly humming to me. I sat down and gently moved the mouse. Nothing happened. I tried it again, nothing. I turned the monitor off and on. I started sweating. Maybe the computer is off, I searched for the hard drive. I couldn't find it. I remember seeing another monitor downstairs, my feet flew down the steps as my heart was racing. I sat down as quietly as a could at the desk next to the window. I gently moved the mouse. I turned the monitor off and on. NOTHING. I started to panic. It became difficult to breathe. I was cussing in my head and my inner internet soul was screaming, FIND ME! FIND ME! The sound of the water from the downstairs restroom jolted me back to consciousness. Someone else is awake! This is my chance. Surely this person will know how to turn on the charcoal grey highway to my sanity. Patiently, I waited for someone to emerge. When my sister-in law approached the upstairs, she said "good morning!" I grabbed my temples and urgently spoke to her, saying "Help me, I can't get online. I am addicted." She laughed, oblivious to my irrational condition, walked over to the office, opened a cabinet and turned on the computer. "It was off" she said plainly and without urgency. HALLELUIA! I was shaking with excitement. This is when I realized, I am an addict. The first step is admitting the problem right?