Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Play the GAME

Self esteem is one of those issues that you think mostly affects junior high school girls. I believe, for me, it is an issue that only began in junior high. My own self worth has climbed up a notch or two because of a recent surgery. When I told my doctor that I am playing volleyball for the first time in 10 years, he gave me a high five (he really did, in fact, it took me a little too long to figure out why his hand was up in the air and I think he almost gave up on me when I finally realized what he was doing). I am very proud of myself for getting up the confidence to play. I really enjoy the competition and just getting out of the house. Still, because I am not sure of myself, I am constantly disappointed in myself for making a bad play or missing the ball. I am so frightened of someone else saying, "You are terrible!" that I usually just say it for them. Every week I wonder why I can't just enjoy myself and the company of friends, instead of getting so anxious about my ability to play the game. Then I remember that I haven't done this in a long time. Sometimes I can't believe that I am actually doing it. The day after we play I am sore and painfully reminded of my 10+ year hiatus from activity. But, it's not just a game for me. It's a rebuilding of my self worth, it's therapy of pain and disappointment, it's an education of the game of volleyball and life. How to get along with other women, how to take turns, how to share, how to get bruised knees and very sore wrists, how to serve the !#$^&* ball over the net; lessons learned from a very novice volleyball leaguer.
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