Monday, October 13, 2008

24 hours and counting

This morning at the breakfast table my daughter asked me if I was going to breastfeed. I tried not to choke on my cold cereal as I answered her. Her face twisted into a grimace when she heard my reply. "Well, I am not breastfeeding my babies!" she said with her typical 6 going on mommy tone.

We all can't stop thinking about it. I suppose it doesn't help that I am as big as an elephant, sort of hard to hide it, you know?

People who see me out and about say things like;
  • You're STILL here?
  • No baby, yet, huh?
  • Are you ready?
I try to smile and answer but inside I am screaming. LET'S GET OVER WITH IT ALREADY!

I spent all day Saturday packing up toddler toys and cleaning out the 'toy room' for the babies. We put the crib up in there a while back and #3 is napping in there. Now, with the toys gone, it looks like a nursery. The bassinet is out again and the bedding is washed. The infant car seat has been cleaned, again, and is ready to safely harness another little miracle for us.

Dejavu aside...this time IS different. It feels different. I can't really explain it. Maybe I am finally feeling like enough is enough instead of questioning if we are done building our family. I have never been really good at anything except maybe singing a solo in church. Making babies is something I can do. My body is able to handle these aches and pains for the miracle of life inside me. I complain about it, but I cam DO it. I feel extremely blessed. It makes it hard for me to turn it off when I know there are people out there who want so badly to have a child and for reasons only God could give us, can't.

Still, I am nervous. It is not an easy thing, labor. Fresh in my mind is the pain and the sweat and the first few moments of that baby's life when he/she takes a breath and cries. It is amazing, but emotionally draining. This will be the first time that the ob who has been with me for the birth of all my children will not at least check in on me. It will be someone new, who knows me only by the interesting name on my chart...who doesn't know about my history of bringing big babies into this world and my fear of epidural needles and my need to have my husband holding my hand the whole time and my desire to hold that baby immediately, no matter what.

We check in tomorrow morning around 9 am. I am certain the medicine for the induction will not begin until closer to noon. Twelve or so hours later we should have a bouncing baby. It is so close we can taste it. Get ready for a ride #4, we can't wait to meet you...

UPDATE 12:15 pm: Don't think we're taking it easy today. Dad is in the rafters putting insulation in. I have round steak strogonoff in the crockpot and breadsticks rising. I already cleaned out the freezer and am toasting the leftover bread to make crumbs and have apples thawing to make DeAnn's apple dessert! We had an easy bake tea party already this morning and a friend kindly took the kids for a bit so dad and I could get some 'work' done.
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