Nora has not been sleeping well for weeks. The first few nights were rough, but then your body gets use to getting up and going through the motions you can do it in your sleep:)
Then, while I was buried in purple satin, my beautiful blue eyed Addi came crying to me, "mommy my ear huwts"...it took me all of a few moments to get on the phone with the clinic. I made an appointment for both girls. They both had low-grade temps and snot and similar symptoms can me similar diagnosis', you know the old "one stone" saying.
As the CNP checked out Addi's "sowe ear", I heard her sharp inhale and knew instantly that it was an infection. I can't help but feel good in that moment. Any mom would, when they are confirmed of something that they suspected. It's an awesome feeling, being right.
Then on to baby Nora.
"MMMMMMMMMM" the doctor says. I start to shake my head when she asks, "did you find blood in her ear recently?" Then my heart leaps into my throat as my brain rewinds and freezes on a moment WEEKS ago when she awoke with dried dark specks in her outer ear. I thought for a moment that it was not normal, but then... what? Then I shrugged it off? Then I forgot about it? Then I (insert excuse)? WHAT? What mother doesn't question blood in her baby's ear NO MATTER WHAT. So much for that good feeling.
Gone, LOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGG gone.
Ish. I feel awful. Unworthy. Unfit. Disgusted with myself. Nora spent much of the day yesterday sitting in the van at the ballgame miserable with the heat and her low-grade temperature. That should have been a huge CUE for me.
Doctor says perforated eardrums are fairly common in small children and in most cases provide relief to the pain the child is experiencing. It doesn't make me feel better. She needs to see us again in a few days to be sure that the drops and the Amoxicillin are working to help it heal on it's own. Sometimes it doesn't heal right. So, not only to I have to consult my notes for birthdates and years but I have no clue when my children are sick. Way to go mommy.
I need to pay more attention to my kids. I am too easily distracted in this crazy life. Lord grant me the attention to task that I so desperately desire...