Saturday, April 07, 2007

Speaking of NEW life...

Dh and I decided to celebrate life, with some DIVINE help.

In all honesty, we knew we wanted to try and have another baby the moment the doctor said, “there is a chance this chemo will make you infertile” It became sort of an unwritten plan to try about a year after getting the thumbs up from the PET scan. I guess God had a different plan, because we had to postpone the PET because I took a couple of tests and TWO blue lines came up both times.

It was my boobs that gave it away. I knew. I tried to tell dh and he refused to believe me, I convinced him to buy me a pack of tests and when I peed on the stick the look on my husbands face was something I had never seen before. The oncologist said I would most likely be infertile for at least 6months after chemo. When I called the office to tell him, he said we would still do some blood work and he would like to see me. He was a little surprised that we were even fertile, but mentioned that “you young ones seem to bounce back pretty quick”. So I called my OB and made an appointment.

My dd is so excited; we went for a family walk and told the kids. Dd could not stop talking about it. She had a million questions and name choices and when will she be old enough to baby sit? Ds was a bit different, dad told him mommy had a baby in her tummy and he said, “oh, dad when are we going to go hunting?”. Later after he must have thought things through a bit, he asked me if he could watch the doctor take the baby out. I explained that mommy and daddy will probably go to the hospital alone, but dd said she is going to sneak behind daddy so no one sees her and ds can sleep in the car until the baby comes…

It is still early so we made a big deal out about how we should only tell family and we will be keeping it our special secret, which actually worked; for the weekend. Dd would come and whisper in my ear, “Can I tell my uncle?, Can I tell my grandma?” I was proud of her for trying. Until I picked her up from daycare on Monday evening and one of the teachers said congratulations to me. I was a bit bewildered until she said, “your daughter told us all you are having a baby and she said that we should try and keep it a secret.” Like mother, like daughter. She is about as good at keeping secrets as I am.

I am getting ahead of myself here, dh and I were happy when we found out, but scared. Our first thoughts were, “Will the chemo affect the baby?” We were scheduled for a PET scan less than a week from when we found out. We didn’t know if the oncologist would recommend to go ahead with the scan and risk losing the baby. We spent the first few days praying and digesting this change in our plans. It just goes to prove, we are not in control. We decided not to say anything until we met with the cancer doc. He gave us the green light and here we are.

In light of what our life has been like these past 9 months, we are able to let go of our worries and just let GOD do what He plans to. It may be that this is our little gift from God and we will cherish every moment of the life that has been given to us. There may be bumpy roads ahead and more pain, but we know He will be carrying us in His arms if that happens, too. When we saw that tiny little heartbeat yesterday on the monitor, it took both our breaths away. It is a MIRACLE, and we thank the Lord for His blessing on us.

We are about 9 weeks along and if everything goes well we will have a new little one around the first or second week of November! Thank you, Lord, for new life!
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