Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Cooperation with God's plan

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome. Jeremiah 29:11

Dh's birthday was the 19th. The kids and I made him a banana cake with cream cheese frosting and we had a piece the night before while he opened his card. On his birthday, he got up, walked upstairs and threw his can of chew into the trash. He said, "This is the first day of the rest of my life." At first, I thought he was joking. Before I got sick (that is my time line now, before cancer and after cancer) he chewed tobacco during baseball season only. That summer, the summer of my surgery and diagnosis he never stopped using it. Then he started chewing in the morning and then all day long. I knew he was stressed and I wanted him to stop, but how could I expect him to do so? I was told by my oncologist to give up sweets and did I stop sneaking chocolate, nope. Anyway, I was shocked and awed by his commitment to give up the stuff. I am proud of him, I HOPE he is successful. I hope I can afford to buy him a pack of gum for every day of the year... Thank you God for will power to kick our bad habits when we are ready.

Doctor says baby is good, BIG, but good. She is thinking of inducing for sure by the 6th of November if not earlier. There is something about making those last few appointments that really finalizes the whole thing. I mean, to the average person I look pregnant therefore I must be, right? But, in reality, when I am trying to keep a house together and get a kindergartener and a preschooler ready each day and sub a couple of days a week and everything else that happens each day, the belly is really an afterthought. When I do sit down and feel a foot or an elbow I think about it and how it will affect the dynamic of our family, but I have no fears anymore. Only FAITH that what will be, will be. Thank you God for your plan for my family.

Spent the weekend at the in-laws. They are refinishing their basement and hubby loves to get his hands dirty. I spent Saturday with my daughter and mother-in-law rummaging (FYI: I am amazed at the little stash of baby onesies I have. I only just started looking for white's and yellows and green's and I have a cozy little pile of baby items and a cute little Columbia winter fleece snowsuit for our new baby. The PLAN is already in place and it will work out, it feels like only a week or so ago I was worried and now I am content. Wish I wouldn't have wasted the energy thinking about it.). Anyway, dh wanted to fish a bit and we had the boat so we went out on the lake and dd was her typical tired, crabby self. It sort of ruined the whole event. I felt angry and disappointed that her behavior was such a problem. Later I took both of the kids to the park and I watched them play together. I began to think about all the things that their little brains have had to absorb in the last 12 months. All the days I was lying around after surgery and chemo, what did they think of their mother not being around for them? Then, as soon I was feeling better the baby comes into play...they must be so confused? So I began to pray. I prayed for them to feel love and for them to be able to wrap their brains around all the transitions that have been thrown at them. They have grown up into little people these past few months. It happened so fast. I feel like I missed something. I prayed for myself and my husband to have patience and to be content with our lives and not want, want, want. It is so fun to dream and wish but what are we teaching the kids? We have to be happy with what we have, we should be...we are blessed, beyond what we need to live. I prayed for PEACE. Thank you God for restoration.

Every tiny piece of God's creation is such a blessing. Saturday with my two children I experienced so many of them, a blade of green grass, a tiny ant, a seed, a drop of rain, a soft warm wind, a ray of sunshine, a flower, an empty playground, two precious children and a few THOUGHTFUL prayers. Man, life is really good. Thank you God for life.
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