Sunday, November 02, 2008

I'm rearranging again...

The sermon today was on stewardship. Your first thoughts are about money, right? I was pleasantly surprised that Pastor wanted us to focus on stewardship of our whole person. Our head, hands, and heart mostly, then the pocketbook.

It's amazing I get to listen to the sermon these days. I am nursing a baby while watching my mother wrestle a one-year old and grandpa handle the older two. It's a zoo. But, I am thankful for those helpers or we wouldn't even make it to church these days. Truth is, I got most of my knowledge of the sermon from Pastor's email and not from the words he spoke from the pulpit this morning. When I got to put my pennies in the can this morning (I have a birthday this week), Pastor asked the congregation to guess my age and I blurted out "90" because that's how old I feel. I know it's just new baby lack of sleep, but I am exhausted, and I have the circles under the eyes to show it. Who has time to apply makeup?

My quick wit reply to Pastor's email read something like, "thanks for understanding that I can barely remember all my kids when we leave the house on Sunday morning let alone my offering envelope and I hoped you would see my filling of the pews as a big part of my stewardship." Thinking back, I hope Pastor saw the circles under my eyes this morning and wrote my reply off as complete craziness from woman who hasn't slept more than 3 hours a night in weeks.

Nursing gives me a ton of time to sit and think. Mostly about what I should be doing the minute I lay the baby down. On top of the daily grind of dishes and meals there are maternity clothes to be packed up and rooms to be organized and projects to be finished. There is the budget, oh the never ending saga of not having enough money. I wish we could all be more content with our position. We are in the middle of an amazing group of human blessings and I can barely find the time to spend with them. There is always a nagging to do list.

Since the hubby started full-time weekends, Sundays are my hardest. I have no energy left. The house is a mess, the dishes aren't done, the clothes are piling up in the laundry room and my brain is fried. Today is a beautiful warm summer like day and I haven't been out except to walk across the street for church. It's a darn shame. So today, after church when grandma took the older kids to a benefit breakfast I put the babies down for a nap and thought about rearranging.

My priorities are all messed up.

Matthew 6:32-33 says "Your Heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern.

Do you have any idea how much of my day is spent worrying about my needs and the needs of my family? I think it's about 99.9%, about 100% too much. Talk about shame...

I need to put God back at the top of my list. He is so great at handling the small stuff, if I would only let Him. If I can just focus on Him all those other details will fall into place. It's a lot harder than it sounds. No screaming at the kids or feeling worthless or way out of the Jones' league. Letting those worries go is pretty darn difficult but lucky for me He's not concerned with how long it takes me to get it right just that I focus more on trying.

I am trying to make God more meaningful in my WHOLE life. I need to move Him from my head to my heart to my hands.

I think I like that arrangement.
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