Monday, September 25, 2006

The half way point.

Dear Lord: So far today, I am doing all right. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent. I have not whined, moaned, cursed, or eaten any chocolate. I have not charged on my credit card. However, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes, and I will need a lot more help after that. Amen.

Tomorrow is treatment number 6. Then I will be half way done. I am filled with mixed emotions about going tomorrow. This weekend was good,and today I feel good. I know that going to treatment tomorrow will knock me back down to square one again. It makes me anxious and I dread having to go again, but at the same time I just want it to be December and this to be over and done with. I wonder if I will undergo surgery again before Christmas to remove my port, or if we will wait until January.

My hair seems to be the only consistent thing in my journey. It is consistently falling out. I don't know what to do because it is getting colder and my head is not insulated any more. Just yesterday I felt a chill when I took the kids out for awhile. I fear the headcoverings will come in handy over the next few months. I can put my dd's pony around the entire depth of my hair and cinch it five times. The long hairs are becoming a nuisance in the dryer vent, the vacuum cleaner and the drains. This shedding thing is really getting old. Maybe it is supposed to work this way, so that cutting it all off will feel like a relief instead of a necessity?

It is the season for colds and flu and I am a little nervous about my blood counts. I have been right at 11.2 or better for my white blood cell counts. It's a little low, but I am taking iron and a multivitamin and a calcium pill along with my goji juice. I know it's risky exposing myself but I do have two small children and my husband works in the hospital, so I get exposed even if I stay home.

That's about all I have for a Monday before treatment. I will try to post more often this week than last time. It's really hard to think clearly when I am not feeling the best. The treatments seem to be doing the job and I know I shouldn't complain, but I am really anxious to be back to normal again. October is nearing fast and I have a busy month planned with treatments, birthdays, hunting, shopping, craft sales and Halloween. My goal is to be able to enjoy the hustle and bustle of the next few months and not make it more difficult than it is already going to be.

To serve God, to laugh and cry and laugh again in spite of it all, to have your priorities in order, to hold a child's heart with love and their hand with encouragement, to learn from the older and wiser and give more than you took, to appreciate the touch of the Master's hand, to see the best in others by being the best in yourself, to serve others, to give all you can from your heart not just your bank account, to pray daily, to live contentedly, to keep the faith, to fight the fight and walk the walk, to leave the world a better place than you see it around you, to know that you have made a difference in at least one life; that, my friends is the purpose in a life well-lived.
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