Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Where did the summer go?



Today was my dd first day of preschool. It really took me by surprise. I just can't seem to catch up with the rest of the world right now. She has grown up so much this summer. I hope she enjoys playing with her friends and being a kid again. She has been taking such good care of me this summer she needs a break. I am constantly wondering what is going through her little brain. She is so independent it scares me, but it has made this illness much easier. Yesterday, she convinced her father to set up the tent in the backyard and she and her brother spent all afternoon organizing toys and clothes and blankets so that it looked like a little house. She had her pj's all folded neatly in a pile. I was so impressed with her organization that I couldn't complain about the tons of things we would have to bring back into the house. Lately, she has been the first one up, she gets her own cereal and turns the cartoons on. She makes her bed and brushes her teeth. She takes care of her little brother if he needs help. It has all happened so fast, I haven't even realized how out of character it is for a almost 5 year old. I had such big plans to help her learn her numbers and letters this summer and I did not even sit with her much at all. My health affects so much more than just me...I pray that she will not be scarred because I was too tired to read to her or sit and play a game.

This weekend went by fast, we did some family things on Sunday and Monday and then I became ill again. It seems that after the last two treatments I have been sick during the gap week. Yesterday my tummy hurt so bad, I hardly got up at all. I was up most of the night again and today I am beat. It would be nice to be able to predict how my days will go but I can't complain, my symptoms could be much worse. Today I can pull my hair back into a tiny barrette that I used to only wear on the top of my head.

I am nervous for the PET scan on Monday, I am praying for a full remission. I know that God's plan is already written but it eases my mind to think about this cancer being gone. I can't imagine adding radiation to chemotherapy right now, but I am sure if it has to happen there will be a way.

The weather has been beautiful. I have been able to sneak out for a few moments and enjoy the cooler air and the sunshine. The sights and sounds of fall are just around the corner, I can feel them. Soon we will be wearing jackets and jeans again, my favorite wardrobe.

I have started reading some of my friends blogs and their friends, too. It is nice to hear what other people are saying and also have something to look forward to each day. I love distractions.

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