I tried, just now, to lie down again. I am exhausted but my heart is full and my dh and I are still shocked and overwhelmed at what we have experienced together. We have come to the conclusion that God was here this weekend. His presence could be seen or felt in every person who came to our tiny community to share in the most amazing thing that has ever happened to us. There is simply no other explanation for the awesome blessings we have received from our family, friends and neighbors. Blessings are unexpected acts of kindness. We could have never expected the outpouring of support that culminated in Saturday's activities. I am so full of thanks. I am overflowing. Gratitude is the heart's memory. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. I cannot catch my breath. I need oxygen. God is great, God is good. Every single moment of yesterday will be with me forever. There are so many emotions that I cannot get a hold of right now. My husband and I keep asking ourselves, are we worthy of such blessings? It is so difficult to comprehend the magnitude of what we are going through. Every day we thank God for our family and for what we have. Through the process of my illness we have realized that there is so much more to life. We have rearranged our priorities. We have taken our worries and our stresses to the Lord in prayer. I have all these numbers chasing each other in my head. The overdraft amount, the two bills from x-ray and lab I received on Friday, the car payment that is 15 days overdue, another treatment on Tuesday means another tank of gas and more prescriptions...I could go on and on. In one afternoon and evening, a pickle jar of free will donation, a silent auction, a bean bag tourney, a spectacular event organized by amazing and talented people, my fear has diminished and I am comforted by the peace that comes from knowing that through the graciousness and mercy of many, many compassionate and loving people I am going to be okay. My children are going to be okay, my husband can breath easy and sleep soundly because we have been touched by the angels who live here on earth. I can't explain how or why it happened but it did. It's not easy accepting this. It is painful and we have tremendous feelings of guilt and unworthiness. The thing that keeps me going is the faces of those who were there, the strong hugs, the kind and encouraging words, the tears. Every person made me feel as if they were rooting for me. It feels like the 'big game' and my cheering section is the entire stadium. I've said it already but I'll say it again. How can I not beat this?
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" - Proverbs 3:5