Friday, July 07, 2006

Does God's plan include gummy worms?

Another day, another post office box full of get well cards. It is so nice to hear an encouraging word from someone in person, but reading it in a note or on a card is really special. It's almost a forgotten practice, what we emailers refer to as 'snail mail'. I hardly use it myself, why should I when I can email instantly and it costs nothing? I am Mrs. Frugal recently and the economics of email just makes more sense. But, when it comes down to the heart of things, the real gut feelings just ring truer in handwriting on a card or a piece of paper stamped from the post office. Some people make their own cards, some write on stationary, some purchase a card from the store, but the real part, the words from their heart are always the best part of getting mail.
Of course there is always those terrible pieces of junk mail to toss and a couple of catalogs (Chadwicks has sandals for $5.99, I had to hide the credit card from myself, I want one in every color) and lets not forget the bills. Got the ct scan bill yesterday and the surgery bill today. I about fell over when I opened the envelope. My dh hardly makes that in a year. We have to sit down and look at our insurance policy and see what the end is going to look like. It is really scary. The worst part is, I cancelled my AFLAC three years ago when I started working in town. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do, save us a payment each month. Wish I would have known....

Today was the first day that someone said the "C" word to me, and I heard it loud and clear. I was apologizing for having to break a commitment for late August and as I was trying to explain myself, the woman just said, "Why are you sorry?, you are the one with cancer....." It was hard to catch my breath after that and I was a bit dumbfounded. Those of you who know me know that I am hardly ever at a loss for words, but I didn't have anything to say. It hit me. Yeah, I guess that's it, I have cancer. I don't know what the future will bring right now. I can't make plans for anything. I have to wait and see and wait and see and wait and see.

My college roommate was here today and she did a good job distracting me all day. According to my reading distraction is EXCELLENT therapy for people who have cancer. According to my research it is also a very good technique for raising toddlers, but that's another story. Anyway, we took apart my half dead flower arrangement's and pressed them in my dh's old college text books. It was crazy, though, the first page we opened was CANCER OF THE LUNG. My roommate said, "oh, we'll just turn the page". But I thought it was kind of ironic. I don't think I believe in karma, or destiny, I believe in God's plan. I gotta believe He knows what he is doing.
I am going to have these pressed flowers put into a frame so that someday, years down the road, I can say, "those flowers were from people who supported me when I had Hodgkins." It will be a good memory. We pressed a lot of them and then pretended we were florists and made our own bouquets out of the leftovers. She also brought me a one of kind bracelet that says 'brave' and (can you believe this?) an ipod (which I have no idea how to use, but I guarantee I will learn before chemo). Friends are so important. Had another visitor tonight and she was talking about the power that girlfriends have. I can't agree more. When I am with my friends, I feel like I can do anything. I am brave, strong, and funny. I love my friends. I need them and I hope that they need me.

Funny story.....last night the kids went to the ballgame. They were beat when they got home and we pretty much dumped them in bed and washed them (while they were sleeping) with a washcloth. My husband's aunt mentioned to me that my dd (dear daughter) gained a boyfriend at the ballgame. I laughed and forgot about it until morning when dd slumbered into the kitchen and said, "mom, I have to tell you something, a boy asked me to be his girlfriend, is it okay?" Wow, good morning to me! I had to think fast, this is a four-year old here and she is pretty impressionable and I don't want her to be scared of boys, but I don't want her dating yet. "Um, well, is he nice?" I asked. "He gave me 5 gummy worms." she replied still rubbing sleep from her eyes. All I could think about was what she was dreaming about all night. "Well, I think it's okay to be friends with a boy. Boys make good friends just like girls do." That should do it, I was pretty proud of myself for not having to consult the parenting website before answering her this time. "Well, I think it's icky!" she said and opened the cabinet for her krispy rice cereal. She got busy getting breakfast and I sat and pondered what it would be like the day that boys aren't icky anymore. I should have thought this parenting thing through a little more...
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