Monday, July 03, 2006

Full circle, if you know what I mean

Well, if you read this everyday, you will be anxious to know that it happened last night about 6ish or so, after my dh had left for the ballgame. My mom was here and my baby brother and his wife came with their newborn. I thought after "it" happening, I would be better. Then it happened again, and again and just for good measure, again. After the first time I screamed to my mom through the bathroom door, "Woo Hoo" and my wonderful loving mother and brother and I think even his wife screamed back, "Woo Hoo". It was done. I felt good, then my mother had to go and ask the question, "was it big?" I thought about whether or not I should answer that question since it was really sort of embarrassing and what's the difference anyway, right? But, I did answer her. Just so you know. After my four visits to the bathroom I was feeling like a superwoman, I had energy and no more tummy ache. My brother and I celebrated with homemade chocolate chip cookies from my sister in law, I am not lying when I say this, they taste JUST like softbatch cookies from the store. My brother says, "how can she keep them so soft?", I reply, " I asked her once, I guess it's a family secret and if she told me, she would have to kill me." This morning I am regretting the cookies, if you know what I mean......

Yesterday was good, I got to see one of my email sisters. It was like a long lost reunion, she came down the steps to hug me and I was crying before she got her arms around me. It was good, she brought me PEACE, literally. I love her. I had the best conversation with her and then I was fading fast and she left. I slept well and woke up to her homemade brownies. They are the best brownies ever. They never last longer than a couple of hours in the pan. It was really good to see her.

I have been meaning to address the issue of visitors. So many people have said, I don't want to bug you, you need your rest. But, I have to be honest with you. I LOVE company. It keeps me positive. When I am alone the dark thoughts consume me and I get really down, but everytime someone is here, they say things like you are going to beat this, and I really feel like I can. I may be tired and even dozing off a little but please understand your company is very important to me; be it a phone call, a visit, or an email. Thanks so much.

My dh played ball last night. He pitched and they won! He is such a stud muffin. Go MUCKDOGS! After the game there were fireworks and the kids came home chanting..."more fireworks, more fireworks". I wish I could have seen them. Last year the kids were still a little frightened when they went off.

The kids both slept here last night for the first time since last Monday, almost a week. I think they will sleep in because they missed their beds. I am hoping for a good day without pain.......
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