Today has probably been my worst day yet. I am exhausted. I am so tired that I can't lie down anymore. My back hurts from not moving, my thoracotomy is sore, I think it hates being neglected. The incision where my portacath is stings so badly, I want to scratch it out. I gave in at about 2:40 and had to shower. One can only take so much of the sticky iodine substance all over ones' body before one goes crazy. It is mostly off now, I couldn't reach all of it. I am in a real dilemma now, I want a bra for my right side, because the weight of my breast pulls on the incision and I can't wear anything on my left because my ribs are still sore. I think I will invent the one boob brassiere for women who have had a thoracotomy and a portacath surgery in three weeks. I wonder how many of us are out there suffering right now? I can only imagine.
I have been showered with wonderful prayers and gifts front the "village" again. The day we came home from surgery and chemo there was a box full of huge earrings at my door. Those of you who know me well, know I love the jewelry. The earrings are so cool and big right now. I have been telling people that when I go I want to be in the casket with a pair so heavy you have to put two coffee mugs upside down under my ear lobes to hold them up. Really, though, I am going to wear them to chemo and use them as warfare. I will wear beautiful things to hide my ugliness. I may be hairless, nailless and thin and bruised, but people will be asking me where I got my big earrings.
The real BLING for me will be beating this thing head on. I cannot and will not let days like today get me down. Today I will fight the cancer by resting my body. Tomorrow I will fight, too. Until it's gone. ALL GONE. This tiny sting will not beat me.
1 comment:
Hi Rani. Just want to check in and say keep a-goin' from one hillbilly to another. Also, have you thought about some of those wonderful stretchy sports support bras? They are extremely comfortable and come in loads of colors. My absolute favorites are at Target in the ladies sportswear section. They're by Champion and they're not flimsy. They may not be the ultimate in support but then again they may be just enough. You have to put them on over your head, though, and I don't know how they'd fit into your tender inscision schemes right now. Just thought I'd throw that out there in case you haven't thought of them. Love and prayers. Nicki
Post a Comment